Delve into the discussion on childfree couples: Are they selfish or selfless? Meri Sehat explores the choices and societal perceptions around family planning.

Are Childfree Couples Selfish Or Selfless?

Overview

&ldquo;I once told a man I didn&rsquo;t want to have children,&rdquo; relates Ramsha Khan, a 32-year-old writer from Karachi. &ldquo;He was horrified,&rdquo; she adds, saying that, &ldquo;He accused me of being a monster. I was shocked. He equated my not wanting to have children with me hating children in general. That&rsquo;s far from the truth. I love kids, I just don&rsquo;t want my own.&rdquo;&nbsp;

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Childree Couples

Maheen Ali, a 36-year-old graphic designer from Lahore, has faced similar reactions. &ldquo;People look at you as if there&rsquo;s something inherently wrong with you,&rdquo; she says. &ldquo;The strongest reaction I&rsquo;ve gotten is from older women and men. Sometimes they get angry, like &lsquo;Why did you get married if you didn&rsquo;t want to have children?&rsquo;. Almost as if I have no right to enjoy my life, on my own, on my own terms. And if I am, then how dare I? I&rsquo;ve also been told I will regret it forever. I don&rsquo;t so far.&rdquo;&nbsp;

There are many misconceptions that persist about childfree couples. Some of the most common ones are:&nbsp; 
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<ul>
	<li>They Are Selfish: This is the most problematic one. <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/how-having-a-pet-prepares-you-for-parenthood">Parenthood</a> or not is not an indicator of whether someone is selfish or not. Many people will know parents that are selfish, and those without kids who are kind and generous. A self-focused adult is likely to become a self-focused parent, or will enact their selfishness through their kids, like hogging the sidewalk with their stroller. 
	So where does this accusation come from? Parenting is really hard work and for many people it&rsquo;s not easy to become a parent. Parents who are acutely aware of their own sacrifices may assume that the childless know nothing of what it means to give themselves in the service of others. But being a parent is neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition in blunting selfishness; thankfully there are many ways to get there, such as through meaningful service. 
	Whether directed at parents or the childless, accusations of selfishness are often unwarranted. 
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	<li>They Lead Unfulfilling Lives: Many people assume that having children is the pinnacle of one&rsquo;s existence, perhaps especially among those who find tremendous fulfillment through parenthood. Accordingly, they might assume that the childless are missing out on the full experience of life. 
	However, there is no strong evidence that parents are more satisfied with their lives than non-parents. So, while it may be hard for parents to imagine feeling fulfilled without their children, it&rsquo;s not safe to assume that everyone finds fulfillment in the same way. 
	&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Are <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/loneliness">Lon</a><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/loneliness">ely</a>&nbsp;And Experience Financial Hardship When They Get Old: Is having kids a guarantee that someone will take care of us when we&rsquo;re old, and that being childless means we&rsquo;ll grow old alone? Certainly not. Research findings suggest that old age is a challenge for most people including financial, health, and social challenges. But childless people are not more susceptible to those kinds of problems. 
	One major factor is that women who are childless tend to be better off financially than mothers of the same age since they&rsquo;ve generally worked more years and had fewer expenses. And everyone, regardless of parenthood status, needs to find ways to stay socially connected in their later years. 
	&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Don&rsquo;t Contribute To The Perpetuation Of Our Species: Parents and non-parents often find themselves caught in a tension over their life choices. We can witness a mutual dependence between parents and non-parents. 
	Continuing our species takes a lot more than having babies. It requires solving the biggest problems facing our time, creating the art that brings beauty to our existence, the <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/philosophy">philosophy</a> that guides our actions&mdash;including how we raise our children, solving climate change and world economic problems and controlling population explosion.</li>
</ul>

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Conclusion

Needless to say, there are countless people throughout history who have done remarkable things and were not parents: Julia Child, Francis Bacon, Beethoven, Oprah Winfrey&mdash;the list goes on.

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