Madeeha Syed

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Are You ‘Man’ Enough?

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Boys Can Wear Pink Too!

Introduction

Toxic masculinity is defined as a set of masculine behaviors that can have a negative impact on men and society as a whole. 
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Boys will be boys - a phrase we&#39;ve all heard countless times. It&#39;s the excuse a mother gives when the first-grade teacher complains of her son pulling a girl&#39;s hair. Or what you hear when high school boys fight it out during recess. Over the years, people have used the phrase multiple times to declare certain behaviors expected of boys and men. Not only has it hindered holding men accountable for acts of aggression, sexual assault, and other crimes, but it&#39;s also promoted flawed gender stereotypes, for men and women both.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

It can be said that gender stereotypes have existed since forever. The early male homo sapiens were hunters and gatherers who used their physical strength to provide for their families. They relied on these traits of aggression and ruthlessness to exert their power and dominance over other men. As humans evolved, these behaviors persisted. From hunters to rulers, men then began to demonstrate their strength by waging wars, plundering cities, and leaving a trail of destruction on their way to the top.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

Although society has modernized and evolved, these patterns of male behavior continue to be unfortunately celebrated. Behaviors such as acting aggressive, refusing to take part in chores around the house, and avoiding emotions are often labelled as &#39;manly&#39;. Anyone who&#39;s not living up to these rules is not considered masculine enough.&nbsp; 
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However, the way society views masculinity has greatly changed over the years, i.e., we are now aware of the &#39;toxic&#39; nature of such &#39;masculine&#39; traits and how damaging they can be for men&#39;s mental health.

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In 2019, men&#39;s shaving brand Gillette released a commercial highlighting the harmful effects of normalizing toxic masculine traits of bullying and sexual harassment. The video urged men to take accountability for their actions and call out fellow men acting inappropriately towards other men and women. Although the ad itself received a lot of criticism, it also started a conversation around toxic masculinity. But can men really be blamed for such toxic traits? Or are we as a society to blame for normalizing such behaviors? 
&nbsp;

Toxic masculinity is defined as a set of masculine behaviors that can have a negative impact on men and society as a whole. As per a study in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, these regressive traits promote &#39;devaluation of women, homophobia, and wanton violence<a href="#accordion">&#39;[1]</a>. Moreover, such behaviors are also associated with lower willingness to intervene among adolescents, especially when witnessing sexual harassment and homophobic bullying<a href="#accordion">[2]</a>.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

Understanding The Dangers Of Toxic Masculinity

Traits of toxic masculinity emphasize the importance of physical strength, self-reliance, aggression, lack of emotion, sexual virility, and dominance in men. Living up to these exaggerated masculine traits can place additional stress on men and lead them to engage in harmful behaviors. 
&nbsp;

Research has shown that college men pressured to conform to masculine norms of self-reliance, sexual promiscuity, and violence have higher rates of depression<a href="#accordion">[3]</a>.&nbsp;Moreover, when men are taught dominance and risk-taking as norms of masculinity, they tend to engage in high-risk behaviors such as drug abuse, drinking, not wearing a seatbelt, and gambling<a href="#accordion">[4].</a>&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

Heterosexual ideals are often propagated among men, as part of traditional masculinity. Anything deflecting from it is viewed as feminine and socially unacceptable. Moreover, feminine ideals are thought to be equivalent to homosexuality. As a result, gay men often face internalized homophobia, and men who identify as straight but do not conform to these heterosexual ideals are often a target of homophobic bullying.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

As a result, the American Psychological Association (APA) has introduced new guidelines to tackle these problems in boys and men<a href="#accordion">[5]</a>. These guidelines warn therapists of the psychological impact of traditional masculinity and its link to misogyny, aggression, and negative health outcomes in the male population. 
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So how do we address toxic masculinity?

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While our genetics govern a lot of our personality, the environment around us also influences behaviors. What you see around you as a child, you tend to conform to that as an adult. For example, a boy who&#39;s seen his father work every day of the week with no breaks believes that is the norm; as a man, one must never stop and rest. Or if your father refuses to ask for directions even when he&#39;s clearly lost, you are more likely to adopt that specific quality and assume asking for help is not a very manly thing. 
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Therefore, a good way to address toxic masculinity is to revisit the models of behaviors set in the past and redefine man&#39;s role in society. 
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A father&#39;s role in a family is often limited to being the financial provider. However, over the years, this role has evolved to fathers becoming more involved in the lives of their children. A UK cohort study found that early father involvement in the form of creative play and quality time lowers the risk of subsequent behavior problems in both boys and girls<a href="#accordion">[6]</a>. According to research, altering the social role of fathers to a more nurturing and involved role can help change harmful gender stereotypes<a href="#accordion">[7]</a>.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

This involvement can begin as early as at the time of birth. Skin-to-skin contact between the father and the neonate not only benefits the child&#39;s physiological health but also helps men ease into fatherhood<a href="#accordion">[8].</a>

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&#39;Men don&#39;t cry&#39;, &#39;man up&#39;, and &#39;don&#39;t be such a girl&#39; are just some of the things men grow up hearing. These phrases teach men to suppress all emotions of sadness, fear, or pain. Thus, they grow up hiding all these feelings within themselves. This inability to express emotions or share their feelings with others leads to feelings of loneliness. As per an APA study, these gender norms act as barriers to men seeking psychological help when facing mental health issues<a href="#accordion">[9]</a>. Moreover, male victims of domestic or sexual abuse may find it even more challenging to get help. 
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Similarly, toxic masculinity promotes the idea of being self-reliant. Therefore, men will avoid going to a physician for any type of health care<a href="#accordion">[4].</a> Thus, identifying and addressing these behaviors can be beneficial to both your <a href="https://www.merisehat.pk/article/Mental%20Health">mental</a> and physical health.&nbsp;

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Conclusion

Toxic masculinity is not a problem that can be solved overnight. These traits and behaviors are ingrained in society as a whole. Therefore, a redefinition of masculinity is needed. However, everyone&rsquo;s version of masculinity or femininity is different. And one can only arrive at this definition after holding conversations with friends and family about the problematic patterns of the past. 
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As the newer generations move forward, it is important to keep toxic masculinity in the past. Raising awareness among the masses and educating them on the toxic nature of certain society-defined masculine traits is a great way to achieve this. Moreover, more positive male role models can greatly impact how one views masculinity. 
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However, many people believe that dismantling toxic masculinity is just another way to emasculate men or make them more feminine. In reality, the whole concept actually centers around breaking down the boxes society has placed around genders.&nbsp;&nbsp; 
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The bottom line is you can be masculine without being toxic. Remember, you define your own identity.&nbsp;

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Key Points

<ul>
	<li>Toxic masculinity refers to a set of behaviors that are harmful to men and society as a whole. Traits such as physical strength, aggression, self-reliance, emotional unavailability, and dominance are often promoted as part of toxic masculinity.</li>
	<li>Toxic masculinity can lead to depression, high-risk behaviors, feeling of loneliness, relationship issues, and mental health problems among men. Moreover, toxic guys are more likely to act out of aggression and engage in acts of bullying and sexual harassment.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>A father&#39;s role in the life of a child can play an important part in changing harmful gender stereotypes. A more nurturing and involved role is beneficial to both the father and child.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Identifying toxic masculine traits and seeking help are significant steps in eliminating toxic masculinity.&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

&nbsp;

[1] Kupers, T. A., 2005. Toxic masculinity as a barrier to mental health treatment in prison. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 61(6), pp. 713-724.

[2] Ingram, K. M. et al., 2019. Longitudinal associations between features of toxic masculinity and bystander willingness to intervene in bullying among middle school boys. Journal of School Psychology, Volume 77, pp. 139-151.

[3] Iwamoto, D. K., Brady, J. & Park, A., 2018. Masculinity and Depression: A Longitudinal Investigation of Multidimensional Masculine Norms Among College Men. American Journal of Men's Health, 12(6), pp. 1873-1881.

[4] Mahalik, J. R., Burns, S. M. & Syzdek, M., 2007. Masculinity and perceived normative health behaviors as predictors of men's health behaviors. Social Science & Medicine, 64(11), pp. 2201-2209.

[5]  American Psychological Association, 2018. APA GUIDELINES for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men.

[6] Kroll, M. E., Carson, C., Redshaw, M. & Quigley, M. A., 2016. Early Father Involvement and Subsequent Child Behaviour at Ages 3, 5 and 7 Years: Prospective Analysis of the UK Millennium Cohort Study. PLOS One, 11(9).

[7]  Park, B. and Banchefsky, S. (2018) ‘Leveraging the Social Role of Dad to Change Gender Stereotypes of Men’, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44(9), pp. 1380–1394. doi: 10.1177/0146167218768794.

[8] Chen, Er-Mei et al. “Effects of Father-Neonate Skin-to-Skin Contact on Attachment: A Randomized Controlled Trial.” Nursing research and practice vol. 2017 (2017): 8612024. doi:10.1155/2017/8612024

[9] Yousaf, O., Popat, A., & Hunter, M. S. (2015). An investigation of masculinity attitudes, gender, and attitudes toward psychological help-seeking. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 16(2), 234–237

Nimrah H. Sattar

This article or video has been vetted and verified by Meri Sehat’s specialists. It contains citations and research from validated sources.

Healthy Masculinity - Redefining What It Means To Be Masculine

Overview

In today&#39;s evolving society, there is a growing awareness of the need to redefine masculinity, moving away from traditional gender stereotypes towards a healthier and more empowering male identity. Healthy masculinity encompasses positive aspects of masculinity while challenging harmful gender norms. Let&rsquo;s explore the definition of healthy masculinity, highlight the positive aspects of masculinity and discuss the importance of challenging gender stereotypes to create a more inclusive and fulfilling understanding of masculinity. 
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Understanding Healthy Masculinity

Healthy masculinity is a concept that encourages men to embrace positive and constructive aspects of their identity while rejecting harmful behaviors and attitudes associated with traditional gender norms. It promotes emotional intelligence, empathy and an understanding that vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength. 
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Positive Aspects Of Masculinity

<ul>
	<li>Emotional Intelligence &ndash; Healthy masculinity encourages men to develop emotional intelligence, which involves understanding and managing their own emotions as well as being empathetic towards others. This skill fosters healthier relationships and greater emotional well-being.</li>
	<li>Nurturing And Caregiving &ndash; Men can embrace nurturing and caregiving roles, demonstrating love and support for their families and loved ones. Being actively involved in nurturing relationships breaks down rigid gender roles and strengthens bonds within the family.</li>
	<li>Leadership And Responsibility &ndash; Healthy masculinity involves taking on leadership roles with a sense of responsibility and accountability. Positive leadership inspires others, promotes teamwork and contributes to a more equitable society. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

<ul>
	<li>Embracing Sensitivity &ndash; Challenging traditional gender norms involves breaking the stereotype that men must be tough and emotionless. Embracing sensitivity allows men to express their feelings authentically and build stronger connections with others.</li>
	<li>Rejecting Aggression And Violence &ndash; Healthy masculinity rejects the idea that aggression and violence are inherent traits of being male. Encouraging non-violent conflict resolution and communication skills promotes a safer and more compassionate society.</li>
	<li>Valuing Equal Partnerships &ndash; Challenging gender stereotypes means acknowledging that healthy relationships are built on equality and mutual respect. Men can support and empower their partners, sharing responsibilities in both professional and personal spheres.</li>
	<li>Breaking Free From Toxic Masculinity &ndash; Toxic masculinity perpetuates harmful behaviors like dominance, suppression of emotions and rigid adherence to gender roles. By empowering male identity, men can free themselves from these constraints and embrace a more authentic version of themselves.</li>
	<li>Embracing Vulnerability &ndash; Vulnerability is an essential aspect of healthy masculinity. Embracing vulnerability allows men to connect more deeply with others, build trust and develop more meaningful relationships.</li>
	<li>Promoting Self-Care &ndash; Empowering male identity involves promoting self-care and well-being. Men should be encouraged to prioritize their mental and physical health, seeking support and guidance when needed. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

Education and media play a crucial role in redefining masculinity. Promoting diverse representations of men and challenging harmful stereotypes in media can shape a healthier understanding of masculinity from a young age. 
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Positive male role models who embody healthy masculinity can inspire others to embrace this positive identity. These role models can be found in various spheres of life, from sports and entertainment to community leaders and mentors. 
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Bottom Line

Positive male role models who embody healthy masculinity can inspire others to embrace this positive identity. These role models can be found in various spheres of life, from sports and entertainment to community leaders and mentors.

Dr. Safia Mehmood

What Is Toxic Masculinity? How To Deal With It?

Toxic masculinity is a term that has gained increasing recognition in recent years. It refers to societal expectations and norms that pressure men to conform to certain rigid and harmful behaviors, emphasizing dominance, emotional suppression and aggressive behavior. Let&rsquo;s delve into the concept of toxic masculinity, explain its effects on individuals and society, and provide insights into how to overcome and challenge this harmful phenomenon. 
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Toxic masculinity is a set of cultural norms and beliefs that promote a narrow and harmful understanding of what it means to be a man. It enforces stereotypes that discourage emotional expression, prioritize dominance and aggression and marginalize traits deemed &quot;feminine.&quot; Understanding toxic masculinity involves recognizing the negative impact it has on men, women and gender non-conforming individuals. 
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Toxic masculinity is deeply embedded in cultural expectations and socialization. From a young age, boys are often taught to suppress their emotions and prioritize physical strength over emotional intelligence. This can lead to a lack of empathy and an inability to effectively communicate feelings. 
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Effects Of Toxic Masculinity

<ul>
	<li>Emotional Suppression &ndash; Toxic masculinity fosters emotional suppression, causing men to bury their feelings and avoid vulnerability. This emotional detachment can lead to mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety.</li>
	<li>Aggression And Violence &ndash; Toxic masculinity glorifies aggression and dominance, which can manifest in abusive behaviors, both physically and emotionally. This contributes to a culture of violence and harmful relationships.</li>
	<li>Stifling Individuality &ndash; Men conforming to toxic masculinity often stifle their true selves to fit into societal expectations. This stifling of individuality can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disconnection from their authentic selves. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

Overcoming Toxic Masculinity

<ul>
	<li>Promoting Emotional Intelligence &ndash; Challenging toxic masculinity involves promoting emotional intelligence in men. Encouraging the understanding and expression of emotions can lead to healthier relationships and self-awareness.</li>
	<li>Questioning Traditional Gender Roles &ndash; Rigid gender roles perpetuate toxic masculinity. By questioning and challenging these roles, we can create space for more diverse and inclusive expressions of gender.</li>
	<li>Encouraging Open Communication &ndash; Open communication is essential for overcoming toxic masculinity. Creating safe spaces where men can express their feelings without judgment is crucial for emotional growth and development.</li>
	<li>Supporting Men&#39;s Mental Health &ndash; Men facing the effects of toxic masculinity may struggle with mental health issues. It&#39;s essential to provide support and resources for men to seek help and address their emotional well-being.</li>
	<li>Redefining Masculinity &ndash; Redefining masculinity involves celebrating traits such as empathy, compassion and vulnerability. By dismantling the notion that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, we can foster a healthier understanding of masculinity.</li>
	<li>Education And Awareness &ndash; Educating society about toxic masculinity&#39;s harmful effects is vital for creating positive change. Awareness campaigns and discussions can challenge societal norms and promote inclusivity.</li>
	<li>Seeking Professional Help &ndash; Men who have internalized toxic masculinity may need professional help to unlearn harmful behaviors and beliefs. Therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment to explore and address these issues.</li>
	<li>Role Of Media And Representation &ndash; Media plays a significant role in perpetuating toxic masculinity. Encouraging diverse and positive representations of men in media can challenge harmful stereotypes and influence societal perceptions.</li>
	<li>Cultivating Empathy And Respect &ndash; Promoting empathy and respect towards all individuals, regardless of gender, is essential for dismantling toxic masculinity. By creating a culture of empathy, we can foster healthier relationships and a more inclusive society. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

Toxic masculinity is a harmful and pervasive societal issue that enforces harmful stereotypes and stifles individuality and emotional expression. Understanding the effects of toxic masculinity is crucial for challenging and overcoming this harmful phenomenon. Many younger individuals are now actively fighting against this insidious phenomenon and have been able to cultivate healthier and more balanced lives as a result of it. We must foster an environment where these efforts are appreciated and encouraged. Redefining masculinity and providing support for men&#39;s mental health are essential steps towards dismantling toxic masculinity and fostering healthier relationships and communities.

Masculinity is a socially constructed parameter by which we ascertain how a man should behave. It&rsquo;s a set of behaviours, languages, ways of being, dressing and engaging with the world that exists within culture. Many of these traits are universal, while some are specific to certain cultural contexts.

In South Asia, in particular, a man is supposedly tough, rational and brave. They aren&rsquo;t allowed to cry or they risk being deemed &lsquo;feminine&rsquo; by the society. Similarly, the body has to look and be dressed in a particular way or it&rsquo;s going to be an easy target for the moral police to insult and reprimand for perceived female characteristics. At the end of the day, the man is made to feel like a failure for not abiding by these rules. 
&nbsp;

Rules

<ul>
	<li>
	<h5>The Social Pressure To &lsquo;Man&rsquo; Up</h5>
	</li>
</ul>

There&rsquo;s no denying the immense pressure that men are made to feel right from the start to conform to toxic &lsquo;masculine&rsquo; traits. And much like girls, boys receive this conditioning at their homes, amongst friends and at school. 
 
Some of it is unintentional learning as they go about observing other adults who model what it&rsquo;s like to be a man in this society. But, mostly, it&rsquo;s how everyone around them never stop communicating expectations, reinforcing at every chance they get that everything from the way they talk to the way they walk has to stick to a rigid version of masculinity. 
 
As they grow up, the pressure increases even further. They&rsquo;re told to &ldquo;Do XYZ job&rdquo; and &ldquo;Earn XYZ amount of money&rdquo; to be considered respectful. Oh, and let&rsquo;s not forget about the tone; &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t be soft-spoken or you&rsquo;ll be considered weak.&rdquo; 
Besides, men are not supposed to just survive; they&rsquo;ve been given the top rank in the social hierarchy so they also have the added responsibility to look down upon all other creatures, including women, to ensure they keep their place as they have for centuries. 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>
	<h5>The Transition &ndash; Upholding Patriarchy</h5>
	</li>
</ul>

From the oft-repeated saying &ldquo;boys will be boys&rdquo; to &ldquo;men will be men&rdquo;, surprise surprise, these boys become the men that the culture wanted them to become. They&rsquo;re hardened individuals who now believe it&rsquo;s ok to dominate through power and violence because that&rsquo;s the way of life these staunch patriarchal societies encourage. 
 
Ironic, isn&rsquo;t it? Because the same people who tell girls to be wary of such men are also the architects of this world! It&rsquo;s mothers who themselves encourage their sons to act more like a toxic man when it comes to handling their wives while friends are quick to snub men who are emotionally expressive.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>
	<h5>Social Media And Toxic Masculinity</h5>
	</li>
</ul>

&nbsp;The media is a more powerful tool than it&rsquo;s credited to be. The glorification of characters like Don Draper from Mad Men is one such example. Young men are attracted to this kind of performance of masculinity because they seem to have a successful life. 
Movies and drama creators have apparently thrown caution to the wind when it comes to creating alpha male characters. The more toxic it is, the more fan following it garners, the more ratings, the more earnings&hellip; it&rsquo;s a never-ending cycle. The man on screen is shown to amass massive amounts of wealth, social power and prestige while being feared by their peers and pursued by as many women as possible. 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>
	<h5>The Injustice Of It All</h5>
	</li>
</ul>

​​​​​​​The sad thing about patriarchal societies is men are reduced to animals. Other people are made to feel afraid of them instead of treating them with kindness and generosity. 
Unlike popular misconception, men are not naturally violent. It&rsquo;s their social conditioning that causes them to adopt these characteristics, to not show any emotions and to not feel any emotions except intense feelings like rage and excitement caused by an adrenaline rush for anyone who&rsquo;s not the ideal man. 
 
This pressure to be a man can sometimes be too much to handle. It can lead to insecurities that result in more gender-based violence and a deep social unrest. For example, expecting men to take care of households all on their own and not ask for help is outrageous. If these men are financially helped by wives, it&rsquo;ll automatically be considered an attack on their masculinity so they&rsquo;ll avoid that as well. 
The main reason is of course that as the sole financial resource, the man will forever be in a position of power. But what about the undue stress it causes? 
 
Also, a great dissociation starts to appear between the person that they actually are and the person they have to project to the rest of the world. This makes them feel lonely. Consequently, they lose their inner authenticity, are dishonest not just with the world but with themselves and, at the same time, are bound by the fear that their secret will come out and they will be shunned once everyone knows they don&rsquo;t play by the rules. 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>
	<h5>The Crisis Of Lonely Men</h5>
	</li>
</ul>

&nbsp;This is a recent and much talked about phenomenon. Men have always been lonely, however, the societal pressure upon women to settle down and compromise ensured that they would be taken care of financially and would companionship and sex. 
 
There are more and more women entering the workforce now, are financially independent and contribute financially to the household. Yet, instead of getting into unions that are more equal, where their spouses will in turn also share household duties, women are expecting to continue filling their traditional roles at home, making a living outside and maintaining a certain level of fitness while doing it. Most end up realising this is a really bad and unfair bargain and refuse to settle down or leave unequal partnerships. &nbsp; 
This has only served to exacerbate the loneliness men around the world are experiencing. 
&nbsp;

It&rsquo;s high time men engage in honest self-examination and introspection. The warning signs may not be as prominent, but the concept of man and masculinity needs to be changed entirely. We should want more for the boys than what the patriarchal setup of South Asian communities offers. 
&nbsp;