Challenge stereotypes of masculinity and explore what it means to be a true man in today's world on Meri Sehat.

Are You ‘Man’ Enough?

How South Asian men are under pressure to adopt toxic traits and appear ‘masculine’.

Overview

Masculinity is a socially constructed parameter by which we ascertain how a man should behave. It&rsquo;s a set of behaviours, languages, ways of being, dressing and engaging with the world that exists within culture. Many of these traits are universal, while some are specific to certain cultural contexts.

In South Asia, in particular, a man is supposedly tough, rational and brave. They aren&rsquo;t allowed to cry or they risk being deemed &lsquo;feminine&rsquo; by the society. Similarly, the body has to look and be dressed in a particular way or it&rsquo;s going to be an easy target for the moral police to insult and reprimand for perceived female characteristics. At the end of the day, the man is made to feel like a failure for not abiding by these rules. 
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Rules

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	<h5>The Social Pressure To &lsquo;Man&rsquo; Up</h5>
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There&rsquo;s no denying the immense pressure that men are made to feel right from the start to conform to toxic &lsquo;masculine&rsquo; traits. And much like girls, boys receive this conditioning at their homes, amongst friends and at school. 
 
Some of it is unintentional learning as they go about observing other adults who model what it&rsquo;s like to be a man in this society. But, mostly, it&rsquo;s how everyone around them never stop communicating expectations, reinforcing at every chance they get that everything from the way they talk to the way they walk has to stick to a rigid version of masculinity. 
 
As they grow up, the pressure increases even further. They&rsquo;re told to &ldquo;Do XYZ job&rdquo; and &ldquo;Earn XYZ amount of money&rdquo; to be considered respectful. Oh, and let&rsquo;s not forget about the tone; &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t be soft-spoken or you&rsquo;ll be considered weak.&rdquo; 
Besides, men are not supposed to just survive; they&rsquo;ve been given the top rank in the social hierarchy so they also have the added responsibility to look down upon all other creatures, including women, to ensure they keep their place as they have for centuries. 
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	<h5>The Transition &ndash; Upholding Patriarchy</h5>
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From the oft-repeated saying &ldquo;boys will be boys&rdquo; to &ldquo;men will be men&rdquo;, surprise surprise, these boys become the men that the culture wanted them to become. They&rsquo;re hardened individuals who now believe it&rsquo;s ok to dominate through power and violence because that&rsquo;s the way of life these staunch patriarchal societies encourage. 
 
Ironic, isn&rsquo;t it? Because the same people who tell girls to be wary of such men are also the architects of this world! It&rsquo;s mothers who themselves encourage their sons to act more like a toxic man when it comes to handling their wives while friends are quick to snub men who are emotionally expressive.&nbsp; 
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	<h5>Social Media And Toxic Masculinity</h5>
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&nbsp;The media is a more powerful tool than it&rsquo;s credited to be. The glorification of characters like Don Draper from Mad Men is one such example. Young men are attracted to this kind of performance of masculinity because they seem to have a successful life. 
Movies and drama creators have apparently thrown caution to the wind when it comes to creating alpha male characters. The more toxic it is, the more fan following it garners, the more ratings, the more earnings&hellip; it&rsquo;s a never-ending cycle. The man on screen is shown to amass massive amounts of wealth, social power and prestige while being feared by their peers and pursued by as many women as possible. 
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	<h5>The Injustice Of It All</h5>
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​​​​​​​The sad thing about patriarchal societies is men are reduced to animals. Other people are made to feel afraid of them instead of treating them with kindness and generosity. 
Unlike popular misconception, men are not naturally violent. It&rsquo;s their social conditioning that causes them to adopt these characteristics, to not show any emotions and to not feel any emotions except intense feelings like rage and excitement caused by an adrenaline rush for anyone who&rsquo;s not the ideal man. 
 
This pressure to be a man can sometimes be too much to handle. It can lead to insecurities that result in more gender-based violence and a deep social unrest. For example, expecting men to take care of households all on their own and not ask for help is outrageous. If these men are financially helped by wives, it&rsquo;ll automatically be considered an attack on their masculinity so they&rsquo;ll avoid that as well. 
The main reason is of course that as the sole financial resource, the man will forever be in a position of power. But what about the undue stress it causes? 
 
Also, a great dissociation starts to appear between the person that they actually are and the person they have to project to the rest of the world. This makes them feel lonely. Consequently, they lose their inner authenticity, are dishonest not just with the world but with themselves and, at the same time, are bound by the fear that their secret will come out and they will be shunned once everyone knows they don&rsquo;t play by the rules. 
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	<h5>The Crisis Of Lonely Men</h5>
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&nbsp;This is a recent and much talked about phenomenon. Men have always been lonely, however, the societal pressure upon women to settle down and compromise ensured that they would be taken care of financially and would companionship and sex. 
 
There are more and more women entering the workforce now, are financially independent and contribute financially to the household. Yet, instead of getting into unions that are more equal, where their spouses will in turn also share household duties, women are expecting to continue filling their traditional roles at home, making a living outside and maintaining a certain level of fitness while doing it. Most end up realising this is a really bad and unfair bargain and refuse to settle down or leave unequal partnerships. &nbsp; 
This has only served to exacerbate the loneliness men around the world are experiencing. 
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Conclusion

It&rsquo;s high time men engage in honest self-examination and introspection. The warning signs may not be as prominent, but the concept of man and masculinity needs to be changed entirely. We should want more for the boys than what the patriarchal setup of South Asian communities offers. 
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