Discover the keys to keeping love alive in long-term relationships. Expert advice and insights on Meri Sehat.

Love in a Long-Term Relationship

Long-term relationships can be tough to navigate if you aren’t aware of what’s going on and why. The person you love can and will get on your nerves, it helps to be ready when this happens.

Love In A Long-Term Relationship

Overview

Everyone in a long-term relationship will tell you one thing, consistently across the board: It is hard work. Those of us who are young and uninitiated often wonder, why would you have to work in a relationship?&nbsp;

It turns out that relationships are not as linear as pop culture tells you they are. There are ups and downs, there are some very high highs and some very low lows and, in between, there is happiness, love, <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/how-sexual-intimacy-with-their-partner-keeps-women-young">intimacy </a>and all that wonderful stuff.&nbsp;

All of this has been neatly divided into five stages that all long-term relationships go through. This isn&rsquo;t a linear process but rather what happens as a cycle that you both will go through together. They are also not as clear cut or happen in neat succession, however, it&rsquo;s helpful to be deliberately reductive when trying to understand the anatomy of a long-term relationship.&nbsp;

Let&rsquo;s see what these stages are:&nbsp; 
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anatomy of a long-term relationship

This can last anywhere from two weeks to two years and is usually where you feel the initial attraction, the heady mixture of falling and soaring in love and find your partner to have absolutely no flaws. Both partners view each other through rose-coloured glasses and focus primarily on their similarities and shared interests. Red flags are ignored, incompatibilities are brushed under the carpet.&nbsp;

Our bodies also help the situation along with feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine. Many people choose to end the relationship once the honeymoon phase is over and look for the next person who can provide them this very specific cocktail. They never get to experience the reward of a comfortable long-term relationship.

It&rsquo;s important to not jump into any big, serious commitments such as marriage or having a kid during this phase since both parties are currently on their best behaviour. It&rsquo;s also essential to have a support system that can identify whether you are doing the right thing and point out any red flags. Many a times you will not listen to this but just knowing these things can go a long way. This is often the shortest stage too.&nbsp; 
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This is marked primarily by doubt and denial since this is where the reality of the person you are with starts dawning on you. It might happen slowly or all at once. All that stuff you brushed under the carpet now starts bugging you, you start identifying things about them that you can&rsquo;t stand, the incompatibilities between you two start glaring at you.&nbsp;

This can trigger a fight-or-flight response. But remember that flight isn&rsquo;t always a cowardly stance and sometimes fighting for the wrong relationship can mean letting something good pass you by. Be honest with yourself about your intention behind fighting for this relationship, is it a need to be right about your earlier assessment of them? Is it denial? Is it a fear that no one else will ever put up with you again?&nbsp; 
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Either way, we end up having the face the fact that this person isn&rsquo;t the perfect soulmate we were imaging them to be and one has to come to terms with the real person in front of them. All this finally puts a stop to the honeymoon phase and wakes you up from the dream. But this is also where the real relationship begins. Once you are done grieving the loss of your personal idea of who your partner was, you can work with them to create an environment where both of you come together to celebrate your similarities and work through your differences.&nbsp; 
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Now, if those wake-up calls are about small things that can be remedied, such as your partner not putting the laundry in the right place, then that can be worked through. Fundamental differences in principles and values however are very hard to compromise on and can later lead to resentment. This is when the power struggle starts and both partners are ready to fight to death on their personal stance.

It&rsquo;s also important to know that arguments and a little bit of healthy friction is a normal part of every relationship and it&rsquo;s important to communicate with your partner to work through these rough bits together. Openness, honesty and mutual respect can take you a long way in any relationship.&nbsp; 
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This is when the distance comes in and many marriages in the previous generation were stuck at this stage. Not talking to each other or being honest about your needs, your discomforts with your partner, holding resentment and a refusal to actually address any issue is what marks this stage. Both partners tend to emotionally and physically withdraw from each other and seriously start evaluating whether it&rsquo;s worth it to continue the relationship or not. There might be a numbness on both ends since the initial intense feelings of disappointment and anger fizzle away.&nbsp;&nbsp;

So, how do we make it through this? Choosing to stick by your initial commitment, honour the promises you made and fighting for each other while providing enough space to heal the relationship works wonders.&nbsp; 
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This is signified by a complete acceptance that no relationship is perfect and you both respect each other enough to work through any and every bit of trouble together.&nbsp;And this time your love is based on reality, so it is more likely to stand the test of time!&nbsp;

Couples who make it through all previous stages know that they are well-equipped to deal with their issues together with open and honest communication, they are more at peace with their differences and maintain healthy space and independence.&nbsp;

The commitment to the relationship is recognised at both ends and there is no more attacking or defending when things go awry. This is where people also claim to have fallen in love all over again with their partner.&nbsp; 
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Bottom Line

There&rsquo;s a very real chance to get stuck at one of these stages in your relationship forever and being unable to find a way out of it. Educating yourself on these stages helps you not only recognise but work through these stages effectively. It will not be a walk in the park but it will also not be the worst thing you will ever do. You may find yourself back in some stages after having worked through them previously and that is also completely normal and expected. As long as you are your partner are committed to working it out, you can manage (almost) anything together.&nbsp;

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