Madeeha Syed

Has your partner told you they want “more than just romance” and you are clueless? This article explains the elements of a healthy relationship besides romance.

More Than Just Romance

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How To Rekindle Love In Long-Term Relationships

Overview

<p>We have all fallen in love madly, irrevocably and ardently. We have also seen these same overwhelming and all-consuming feelings take a back seat once the honeymoon phase is over. With time every long-term relationship stands the risk of turning stale. The feelings that ensured that your partner was all you thought about in the beginning aren&rsquo;t as intense anymore. It either turns into warm and cozy affection or you might be one of those people who have completely gone cold over your partner. Human beings have a strong predisposition to get bored of things, and even people, but this is just an inevitable consequence of familiarity. You have just had so much of your lover that you now take them for granted.&nbsp;</p>

<p>If you think you might have ended up at this very boring stage in your relationship then here are some ways you can rekindle the flame:<br />
&nbsp;</p>

ways to  rekindle love

<h5><strong>Be Mindful</strong></h5>

<p>Listen to your partner attentively, know what they like or don&rsquo;t like, get them flowers occasionally, drop in a flirty text in the middle of the day and make sure you are mindful of their needs. This can also include helping them with household chores or helping them run errands. These small acts of kindness go a long way in keeping love afloat.&nbsp;<br />
&nbsp;</p>

<h5><strong>Go On Dates</strong></h5>

<p>It might seem like a daunting task to schedule dates amongst work and kids and that book you had to finish but it&rsquo;s definitely worth it to bring back those initial jitters of love. You can dress up and separately reach the restaurant where you first met and be courted by your partner and forget for a moment that they are the ones you get to go home and take care of bills with the next day.<br />
&nbsp;</p>

<h5><strong>Cultivate Healthy Space</strong></h5>

<p>Quite paradoxically, one very important aspect of a healthy long-term relationship is independence. Learning to take care of your emotional needs on your own, recognising your triggers and seeking help for them if and when needed can ensure these don&rsquo;t bug your partner or you don&rsquo;t end up projecting your own pain and preoccupations on them. We have all seen or heard of people struggling at work come home and take that anger out on their partner. This is exactly what we don&rsquo;t want to do to someone we claim to love so much. Have your own hobbies and interests and let your partner have the same. Coming back to your partner after the tiniest of breaks can be extremely refreshing.&nbsp;<br />
&nbsp;</p>

<h5><strong>Learn How To Argue</strong></h5>

<p>Every relationship is at risk of moments of frustration. When our sentiments are hurt our first instinct is to argue. It&rsquo;s better to communicate your hurt instead of arguing. Learn the art of lovingly repairing the relationship, the art of forgiveness and understanding and seeing your partner&rsquo;s point of view. Understand that your partner isn&rsquo;t necessarily bad or evil but might also be reaching out to you from a place of hurt. Take little squabbles as a sign that your partner still cares enough about you to bug you over little things instead of being completely checked out. Playfully pointing this out can also make you both realise what&rsquo;s at stake in the moment.&nbsp;<br />
&nbsp;</p>

<h5><strong>Honest Conversations</strong></h5>

<p>Ask them what they would like to be appreciated for more often and what you might have been taking for granted so far. Consequently, you can let them know the same things about you. In the beginning we tend to give each other compliments about the tiniest of things, but very often, this doesn&rsquo;t continue or happen as frequently in long-term relationships. Brining this one little practice back can help reignite that lost spark and make your partner feel more appreciated.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Similarly, it could help to ask them what they like to be forgiven for and letting them know the same. We all carry guilt about some of our behaviours and can start resenting our partners for making us feel that way about hurting them. Brining these wounds to light and practicing <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/what-does-true-forgiveness-look-like-and-how-to-move-on-22347">mutual forgiveness</a> can help ward of these negative feelings.&nbsp;<br />
&nbsp;</p>

<h5><strong>Try New Things</strong></h5>

<p>According to research, partners who share more new experiences together experienced more intimacy than those who only shared familiar experiences. The anxiety of that new task ahead of you, holding each other&rsquo;s hand through it and successfully executing it can bring you both closer and build deeper levels of trust as well.&nbsp;<br />
&nbsp;</p>

<h5><strong>Document Your Love</strong></h5>

<p>When you try that new thing together or go to that one very interesting date, make sure to take pictures! We all make fun of people who take selfies but these are exactly the kind of things you can look back on and reminisce about the good times. It can also help remind you of all the good and happy feelings your partner brought out in you when you are particularly annoyed at them.&nbsp;<br />
&nbsp;</p>

<h5><strong>Touch Your Partner</strong></h5>

<p>This is not necessarily sexual, although that definitely helps, but small daily acts of physical intimacy and affection can help revitalise a relationship.<br />
&nbsp;</p>

Bottom Line

<p>Contrary to popular belief, love is an action and not just a fleeting intense feeling that can make everything work out on its own. Every long-term relationship will require routine maintenance this is usually worth it. To find that initial spark with someone you have gotten so familiar and comfortable with can be a really interesting feeling and many older couples have reported that they found it to be a very pleasant surprise.</p>

Dr. Safia Mehmood

<p>Love is a funny thing. Some people say that love is blind, while others believe that it&rsquo;s all you need. But what does healthy romantic love look like? Is there such a thing as &ldquo;healthy&rdquo; and &ldquo;unhealthy&rdquo; love? The answer to these questions may surprise you because it&rsquo;s not all butterflies and rainbows!<br />
&nbsp;</p>

<h5><strong>Contentment</strong></h5>

<p dir="ltr">Contentment is more than just happiness. It&rsquo;s a state of being that comes from knowing who you are and what you want out of life and being satisfied with that. Contentment is not a feeling; it&rsquo;s an attitude or disposition towards your life and yourself. Contentment has nothing to do with goals or achievements; instead, it involves accepting your current circumstances without judgment (and maybe even celebrating them).</p>

<p dir="ltr">Contentment isn&rsquo;t something we all get naturally &mdash; it takes practice! If you have trouble finding contentment on your own, try asking yourself these questions: What am I doing right now? What do I like about this moment? How can I make myself feel better right now? Even if you don&rsquo;t manage to remove negative feelings completely, thinking about them differently will help improve your overall sense of well-being.</p>

<p dir="ltr">In a <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/love-in-a-long-term-relationship">relationship</a>, the two individuals need to be content with themselves first. If they are not, they should work towards individual contentment. Lack of contentment often gives rise to issues like clinginess and overdependency especially emotionally that can be very mentally exhausting for the other partner.</p>

<p dir="ltr">&nbsp;</p>

not all butterflies and rainbows

<h5><strong>Space</strong></h5>

<p dir="ltr">You need space. You need time to yourself, time to do things on your own, and time to do other things. This is not because you&rsquo;re selfish or don&rsquo;t care about your partner; it&rsquo;s because a relationship is an opportunity for two people who care about each other to explore themselves as individuals and find out what they want in life, as well as how they can best support each other in pursuing those goals.&nbsp;</p>

<p dir="ltr">In order for this exploration to be healthy and fulfilling, there must be space between two people so that they can be independent enough in their thoughts and actions that this will eventually result in growth that benefits both partners equally.</p>

<p dir="ltr">A lot of people seem confused by this concept: why would someone who loves someone want any kind of distance? They think of separation as rejection and abandonment rather than something that allows both parties an opportunity for self-exploration without feeling pressured or smothered by the other person&rsquo;s presence (not necessarily physical proximity).&nbsp;</p>

<p dir="ltr">It&rsquo;s important here not only because romantic love means commitment but also because it doesn&rsquo;t mean constant togetherness at all times &mdash; it means enjoying each other&rsquo;s company when possible but taking breaks from one another when necessary, so that neither person feels trapped by the relationship or obligated into staying together despite personal feelings changing over time (e.g., due to boredom).<br />
&nbsp;</p>

<h5><strong>Affection</strong></h5>

<p dir="ltr">Affection is more than just romance. It&rsquo;s also a form of communication and a way to show you care about someone. When you&rsquo;re in a relationship, affection can take different forms: holding hands, cuddling on the couch, kissing, etc. But even if someone isn&rsquo;t your boyfriend or girlfriend &mdash; or even your friend &mdash; you can still express affection for them!</p>

<p dir="ltr">Affection is important because it lets people know that you like them and want to be around them. It&rsquo;s also a great way to show that there are warm feelings between two people; this makes us feel good about ourselves as well as the person we&rsquo;re showing affection towards! The simple act of giving kisses or high fives can show someone how much they mean to us without having to use words at all!</p>

<p dir="ltr">&nbsp;</p>

<h5><strong>Time Together</strong></h5>

<p dir="ltr">As Dr Gottman noted, time together is a precious commodity. If you have limited time with your partner, make it count by doing things that you both enjoy together.</p>

<p dir="ltr">You might feel like you don&rsquo;t have enough time for this because of work and family commitments, but I encourage you to carve out some quality time for just the two of you on a regular basis.<br />
&nbsp;</p>

Love dimensions beyond romance

<p dir="ltr">Love is a feeling of affection and attraction to another person. It&rsquo;s an emotion that energises us and brings joy into our lives. But love also has many dimensions beyond romance.</p>

<p dir="ltr"><strong>Love is a verb, not just a noun. It&rsquo;s about choice: </strong>choosing to be happy with someone you care about, choosing what kind of person you want to be for them, choosing how you&rsquo;ll treat them when things are tough.</p>

<p dir="ltr">Love is the commitment to make your relationship work, even when it gets hard or boring or uncomfortable &mdash; and even after the initial spark has faded from your eyes (or if it never existed). That commitment requires sacrifice on both sides; it means being willing at times not only to give but also receive love and support from each other &mdash; and sometimes even do something because &ldquo;that&rsquo;s what couples do.&rdquo;<br />
&nbsp;</p>

<p dir="ltr">This is not to say that romance isn&rsquo;t important, or that you should replace it with some other kind of love. But it is to say that romance should be one part of a healthy relationship &mdash; and not necessarily the most important one. Romantic love can be wonderful in its own right, but it&rsquo;s also good for something else: what we call companionship. This kind of love means being there for each other when times are good and bad, supporting each other through life&rsquo;s ups and downs &mdash; and having fun together along the way! It&rsquo;s an experience that makes any relationship more satisfying and meaningful than just focusing on romantic feelings alone would ever do.</p>