Delve into the historical evolution of abuse in intimate relationships with Meri Sehat. Gain insights, awareness, and resources for recognizing and addressing abuse.

The Evolution Of Abuse In Intimate Relationships

The Evolution Of Abuse In Intimate Relationships,… and how to stop it.

Overview

Almost all relationships are prone to interpersonal <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/unseen-scars-navigating-the-depths-of-emotional-abuses-impact">abuse</a> but there are certain factors that lead to abuse being a more prevalent phenomenon in intimate relationships.

Intimate relationships are relationships between two non-biologically related people who are either cohabiting, dating or co-parenting. The abuse found in these relationships can be of several different types and it is frequently observed that two or more types of abuse will coexist. 
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Abuse In Intimate Relationships

Emotional and verbal abuse often accompany either physical or sexual abuse. Similarly, physical abuse itself inflicts emotional trauma on the victim and it&rsquo;s hard to quantify this as well.

Many times, the victim doesn&rsquo;t realise that they are in an abusive relationship if there&rsquo;s only emotional abuse involved. They also might be reluctant to accept themselves as a victim. This leads to the abuse developing and getting worse overtime in many cases since it&rsquo;s not being reported and no action is taken against it. But how does it get to that point in the first place? 
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Scientists have tried to understand this phenomenon for a long time in order to find concrete solutions but it remains elusive. There are many explanations behind relational abuse such as an evolutionary perspective where males will exert dominance to ensure the survival of their genetic lineage over other males competing for their mate&rsquo;s attentions. Similarly, the sociological point of view says that children who grew up witnessing violence being carried out against their mother will continue the cycles with their partners. However, these explanations don&rsquo;t account for the outliers, and therefore, the sociological explanation might not always apply.

Another frequently observed phenomenon in the evolution of abuse is that it starts with emotional abuse and progressively gets worse as the victim tries to take a stand for themselves. 
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Emotional abuse involves one person controlling another and undermining their sense of personal worth and agency. It can involve criticism that&rsquo;s out of proportion in any situation, excessively harsh or personal words, sweeping generalisations including &ldquo;you always do this&rdquo; or &ldquo;you never do anything right&rdquo;, dismissive behaviour, silent treatments as well as tone, body language or verbal cues indicating contempt.

It is more insidious because it&rsquo;s usually countered with better behaviour by the offender later on.

These gaslights the victim and makes them doubt the perception of their own mistreatment. It&rsquo;s often accompanied by the abuser trying to socially isolate their victim and controlling the perception of the relationship in society as well. 
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This kind of abuse is more pervasive in relationships where there are power dynamics in play. One person who is in control of finances, major life decisions including parenting etc, can start exerting dominance over their partner. Any resistance by the victim can be met with worsening abuse and can lead to physical and sexual abuse later on in the course.

The beginning is usually rooted in the abuser feeling somehow powerless in some domain of their life such as finances or at work. Stress levels build up eventually leading to an outburst over seemingly inconsequential things. This is usually followed by an apology and the abuser making promises that &ldquo;this will never happen again&rdquo; or rationalisations such as &ldquo;if you hadn&rsquo;t done this, I wouldn&rsquo;t have done that.&rdquo; 
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What this does is, it puts all of the blame on the victim and causes them to start walking on eggshells around their abuser in order to minimise incidence of the abuse.

Similarly, the constant hot and cold behaviour of the abuser can often confuse the victim and make them stick around for the promise of a better future.

All this can lead to a normalisation of abuse and the victim tries to continue having a &lsquo;normal&rsquo; relationship with their abuser.

However, the thing about abuse is that it inevitably happens again if the root cause isn&rsquo;t treated. 
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Conclusion

The first step towards stopping the abuse is acknowledging that it&rsquo;s happening. After that it&rsquo;s essential to identify what kind of abuse is going on in the relationship. 
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Emotional abuse can be dealt with by a couple&rsquo;s therapist and you can be given tools to help you communicate better with your partner. If it&rsquo;s physical or sexual abuse then it might be time to leave the relationship and get yourself to safety. 
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If you&rsquo;re someone who has been rude or dismissive to your partner one too many times you can benefit from therapy as well. Identify what causes an emotional outburst? Is it stress and you&rsquo;re coping with taking it out on your loved ones? 
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Chances are you&rsquo;re not adequately equipped to deal with your stresses and discomforts, causing you to opt for some unhealthy coping mechanism as your brain switches to survival mode. This usually comes out in the form of blame and anger for the partner. 
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This can be replaced with healthier coping mechanisms where you learn how to cope better with distress. Know that, during an outburst, it might not be very easy to recall the coping strategies you learned while you were calm. For this, we undergo practice sessions where the offending party is made to relive the exact emotional state they were in during an explosive episode. Then they can imagine behaving in an optimal manner and employing healthier coping strategies of connecting with their partner and appreciating their support during a tough time. Practice is what makes one perfect at this and remember: you&rsquo;re not hopelessly stuck with your bad habits. 
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