Explore the impact of societal pressure on the decision to have children or a second child. Meri Sehat provides insights into navigating family planning choices.

The Impact Of Societal Pressure To Have Children Or Have A Second Child

“Khuskhabri kab suna rahay hou?” – “When are you telling us the good news?”

Overview

The decision to have children, or to have a second child, is a deeply personal one. However, societal pressures can often make it feel like it is not a choice at all. Many couples feel pressured to have children, even when they are not ready or willing to do so.&nbsp; 
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Experiences

&ldquo;From the day we got married, my in-laws have been on the &lsquo;lookout&rsquo; for a pregnancy,&rdquo; says 29-year-old Anum Ashfaque from Islamabad. &ldquo;This is despite telling them that my husband and I don&rsquo;t plan to have children anytime soon. Whatever we say falls on deaf ears. They keep going on and on about us having kids like a broken record.&rdquo;&nbsp;

This can cause a great deal of strain on the relationship as well as the individuals involved. The pressure to have children often comes from family, friends, and even strangers. There&rsquo;s no regard for the resources and capacity one has for raising kids.&nbsp;

I have even had older women tell me that once you have a child, it can raise itself, &lsquo;bachay tou khudi baray hojatay hain&rsquo;, while you get to focus on your own life. This utter disregard for a new life you&rsquo;re bringing into the world for no more than some selfish reasons is confounding to say the least.&nbsp;

This blas&eacute; attitude about having and raising children isn&rsquo;t ideal for bringing up well-rounded kids either. Many such children will go on to become latchkey kids which comes with its own host of problems where the child has to grapple with immense neglect and abandonment. When we are forcing people to have kids, we are forcing them to sign up for something they probably aren&rsquo;t ready for. And this obviously never works well for any of the parties involved.&nbsp;

It is a common societal expectation that couples will have children and that those children will be raised in a certain way. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and guilt for those who do not want to have children, or who cannot have them for medical reasons. There is also often a lot of resentment against parents or in laws who are complicit in this coercion.&nbsp;

Even after having one child, couples are pressured to have a second one. &ldquo;My son is barely two years old and I already get asked when I&rsquo;m going to have another,&rdquo; says Marium Saeed, a 26-year-old software engineer based in Karachi. &ldquo;We&rsquo;re not ready to have another kid so soon,&rdquo; she adds. &ldquo;Plus, some parents are one-and-done.&rdquo;&nbsp;

Some couples may feel that they need to have a second child in order to provide a sibling for their first child, while others may feel that they need to have a certain number of children in order to be considered &quot;normal&quot; by society. This is especially tough for women as they&rsquo;re the ones who end up having to hear all the advice on and benefits of having kids. They&rsquo;re told that it&rsquo;s their destiny as a woman to become a mother while no import is given to personal choice and preferences. Motherhood is considered the realization of a woman&rsquo;s natural and divinely ordained role in society.&nbsp;

&ldquo;It would almost seem &hellip; &lsquo;as if the Almighty, in creating the female sex, had taken the uterus and built up a woman around it.&rsquo;&rdquo;

&mdash; Doctor Martin L. Holbrook 
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Then these same women will be expected to raise the kids as well and sacrifice their own goals for the sake of being a good mother. Now that is a whole another topic of discussion. The economic, social and interpersonal well-being of the couple and sometimes the entire family unit undergoes immense duress through this entire process as well. So, what do we do? Especially if you&rsquo;re a newly married couple, you might be waiting impatiently for me to get to that part of the article.&nbsp; 
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Dealing with the pressure

Here are some ways you can deal with the constant pressure to have children: 
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<ul>
	<li>Talk About It &ndash; The first step is to acknowledge it. Talk to your partner about how you are feeling under the <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/what-is-hormonal-weight-and-how-to-deal-with-it">weight</a> of this pressure and be honest about your desires and concerns. You may find that your partner is feeling the same way and that you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you.</li>
	<li>Set Boundaries &ndash; It&rsquo;s important to set firm boundaries with family and friends who are pressuring you to have children. Be firm in your decision and let them know that it is not up for discussion. Remember that this is your decision and you have the right to make it on your own terms. Let them know that it&rsquo;s not a communal decision and that you&rsquo;re perfectly capable of weighing the pros and cons on your own.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Seek Support &ndash; If you&rsquo;re struggling with infertility or other issues related to having children, seek support from a counselor or therapist. They can help you work through your feelings and come to a decision that feels right for you.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Take Time For Yourself &ndash; It&rsquo;s important to take time for yourself and your relationship, even when you&rsquo;re constantly barraged with similar queries from all sides. Make time for date nights and activities that you enjoy and remember that your relationship is important too. The closer you&rsquo;re with your partner the more likely it is that you&rsquo;ll be on the same page about these big life decisions.&nbsp; 
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Conclusion

Remember that it&#39;s okay to say no. Ultimately, the decision to have children is yours and yours alone. You have the right to make the decision that feels right for you and your partner and no one else can make that decision for you. 
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