Madeeha Syed

Explore the advantages and joys of the single life. Learn why being single can be a fulfilling and empowering experience.

The Perks Of Being Single

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Overview

Since I turned the ripe old age of 32 (I am 33 now), I noticed that the one thing about my life that had remained constant was how single I was. After some reflection, conversations with close friends, shaking my head at posts in all-women online groups about how unhappy coupled women were, I concluded that I am both single at heart and single by choice. 

So, am I much happier than most people? Yes. And that&rsquo;s not just some random claim I made to assuage my heart; the science proves it! 
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A study conducted by Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics, found that the happiest people in a subgroup of the population being studied were single, childless women. According to him, while marriage was good for men because the support and companionship improve their overall health, women shouldn&rsquo;t bother because marriage resulted in more labour at all levels &mdash; emotional, physical and sexual.

As a Pakistani woman in her 30s, I am always told what a brave decision I have taken in pursuing this lifestyle. I would like to acknowledge here that my class and privilege have kept me safe from society&rsquo;s taunts. 
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Honestly, at this stage, I don&rsquo;t care about it at all because:

<ul>
	<li>I&rsquo;m not desperate to be in a <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/warning-signs-youre-in-an-abusive-relationship">relationship </a>just to be a part of this marriage rat race</li>
	<li>being single has a lot of perks. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

Perks

I am listing a few below:

1. Single People are Self-Sufficient: Learning to be alone and enjoying my own company has been one of the best advantages of being single. There&rsquo;s a movie playing that none of my friends are available to see? I&rsquo;ll go alone! I want to treat myself at my favourite caf&eacute;? No problem! Evenings spent at a tea stall reading? Sign me up! My time is mine to do with it as I wish and that is the greatest freedom being single provides. 
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2. Single People form Better Communities: In contrast to what society will want you to believe, single people are not crazy cat ladies or old men yelling from their porches (though now men yell on Twitter and that is the same thing). Single people are not tied to desi society&rsquo;s insistence on making their spouse their whole world. Instead, they are free to make friends and invest in those relationships. These relationships are free of the expectations of family or spousal relationships and, therefore, can develop as per the desires of the people involved. 
For example, I have formed many groups and communities, both online and offline, with whom I plan beach trips and game nights and one-on-one lunches and dinners. I source trivia teams on Instagram and often meet people I have interacted with online IRL (In Real Life). This has taught me the incredible art of hosting but that is an article for another day. 
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3. Single People are Gaining more Acceptance: While the shaadi [wedding] season hoopla will take a long time to die in a society as patriarchal as ours, acceptance for single people is slowly increasing. I attribute this to a few factors. For starters, we have a largely young population, i.e., 65 percent of our population is between the ages of 15 and 35. Then, we see Gen Z pushing back at society&rsquo;s toxic norms. And last but not the least, there&rsquo;s the prevalence of feminist thinking and norms. 
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Bottom Line

I don&rsquo;t expect that our society will suddenly stop violence against women, but with women in the workforce and being financially independent, it certainly means that men have to step up and be more than just financial security. 

I believe that with more women finding out how marriage is incompatible with their lifestyles, they prefer to remain single by choice. In a data analysis conducted by Arif Hasan, Dhuha Alvi and Amal Hashim the results showed:

&ldquo;In the case of Karachi, the number of married women in this age group was 66.71 percent in 1961, 37.92 percent in 1981, 28.54 percent in 1998 and 30.87 percent in 2017. That of married men was 13.39 percent in 1981, 10.08 percent in 1998 and 11.24 percent in 2017.

These figures show that, today, Karachi has an overwhelming majority of unmarried adolescents in the age group of 15 to 24. Any sociologist would tell you that this is enough to change gender relations and, hence, family structures.&rdquo;

So that was me on my soapbox talking about the perks of being single. How do you feel about being single? Is this a lifestyle choice you want to make? Let us know.