Psychologists at Meri Sehat have compiled all the red flags we often ignore in abusive relationships. Read more to understand them in depth.

Warning signs you’re in an abusive relationship

Abusive relationships don’t happen overnight and are most often insidious. Some subtle signs of abuse can be obvious very early on in relationships that may go awry.

Warning Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship

Overview

Humans have an inherent need to connect with each other and form strong relationships based on mental, emotional and physical bonding. This is also important for a person&rsquo;s overall wellbeing and survival in society. Sometimes, however, these relationships are the very thing that can be detrimental to our peace and happiness. In such cases we label it as an <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/shame-the-most-toxic-emotion">abusive or a toxic relationship</a>.&nbsp;

Anyone of us can end up in these harmful dynamics without realizing it. No one ever actively chooses to step into an abusive relationship. What usually happens is that they will start off as incredible adventures and turn sour our time. It&rsquo;s not easy to gauge whether a relationship might become toxic or abusive over time but there are always some warning signs you can look out for. It&rsquo;s also important to acknowledge that an abusive relationship isn&rsquo;t always a romantic relationship. Your relationships with a friend, a family member or even your boss and coworkers might also be prone to some toxicity.&nbsp; 
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Four basic principles

Abusive relationships operate on the four basic principles of verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation and humiliation. There is an insidious erosion of your boundaries and self-respect.

Warning Signs

So here are some signs to help you identify why a certain relationship is making you feel sick and when you might need to step back.

<ul>
	<li>It&rsquo;s All Happening So Fast: We have all been raised on stories where a girl meets a guy and its love at first sight. They always go on to live happily ever after within a span of five days or even less. This, however, doesn&rsquo;t really work out in real life. If someone is moving really fast, making all kinds of magnificent claims, wants to spend time with you seven days a week and makes you feel like you have known each other forever, chances are that they aren&rsquo;t being honest about their intentions.&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

These excessive displays of affection too early on in a relationship are called &lsquo;love bombing&rsquo;. It is exactly what it sounds like. Being bombarded with too much love soon makes one feel as if they&rsquo;re being swept off their feet. This eventually leads to the individual not making any of their decisions with a clear head.&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>They Simply Know Better: This is one of the most common way abusers start controlling you. They will lead with statements such as &ldquo;this doesn&rsquo;t really suit who you are as a person&rdquo; which entails that they know who you are better than you do. This is how control and manipulation are slowly introduced into the relationship and you lose sight of who you were before you stepped into the dynamic.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Were &lsquo;Just&rsquo; Joking: Your relationship might be abusive if your partner subtly puts you down, especially in front of others and then plays it off as a joke. This is a humiliation tactic and will lead to a diminishing self-esteem. This is usually done to ensure the partner never leaves or realises that they deserve better.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Hypersensitivity: Interestingly enough, even though your partner gets to joke around and make you feel bad about yourself, you can&rsquo;t do that to them. Even the tiniest of snubs can lead to an over-reaction and most often than not it is based on perceived slights rather than anything rooted in reality. Abusive partners are extremely sensitive about how their partner perceives them, behaves around them and are prone to jealousy.</li>
	<li>Jealousy: If your partner gets jealous any time your attention and efforts are engaged elsewhere then that is a huge red flag. Interestingly enough it doesn&rsquo;t even have to be another potential partner, it can be anything from a family member to a pet and sometimes even kids.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Can&rsquo;t Take No For An Answer: Abusive partners don&rsquo;t allow you to change your mind and will hold it against you when a boundary is drawn.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Inconsistency: Now, even though you aren&rsquo;t allowed to change your mind, they get to have the complete freedom to do so. It&rsquo;s very often noted in abusive relationships that there are cycles of hot and cold. One moment they can&rsquo;t live without you and the next moment they can&rsquo;t live with you. The hot and cold dynamic also keeps the abused partner coming for more in hopes that this time it will be better.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Emotional Isolation: Abusers emotionally isolate their victims in order to exercise complete control over them. This way the person being abused has no one to talk to and get an outside opinion on the relationship. This allows the abuse to continue indefinitely or until the victim realizes what&rsquo;s been happening.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Aren&rsquo;t Nice To Others: This is usually one of the earliest warning signs. If your partner treats you well but can&rsquo;t be nice to the waiting staff or is backbiting their friends or coworkers, then chances are that soon enough you will also suffer the same fate. There initial respect and accommodation will fade away once they are secure in the knowledge that they have you.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Are Perpetual Victims: Have you ever met someone who claims that all of their past relationships failed because the other person was at fault? In their life, nothing ever works out despite their best efforts. This is a very clear warning sign that once things go even slightly wrong in your relationship, you will have to accept the blame. Abusers don&rsquo;t accept blame or portray even the slightest accountability. Everything is someone else&rsquo;s fault.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Don&rsquo;t Communicate Openly: A very commonly noted theme in abusive relationships is that the abusive partner expects the other to read their mind and anticipate their needs. There is a lack of open and honest communication and the partner is punished for not being intuitive.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Gas Lighting: This is perhaps what wreaks the most havoc on an individual&rsquo;s self-esteem. The abusive partner tells you that everything you think or know is wrong and you are made to question your reality. If it goes on for long enough, you might start questioning everything your own brain tells you and rely solely on your partner to help you navigate through life.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Act Differently In Social Settings: Does your partner treat you differently when you are around others? Chances are that you are stuck in an abusive relationship. This can go two ways; they are extremely nice to you in front of others while abusive behind closed doors or vice versa.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Financial Control: This is common in relationships where the abusive partner is the sole earner. However, many people have also been scammed out of their money by their significant others. The partner controls all your expenses and you are usually not given enough to be financially secure. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

Bottom Line

In the end it&rsquo;s important to note that that if you have suffered from an abusive relationship or are currently in one, it&rsquo;s not your fault. One can&rsquo;t always see it coming and it&rsquo;s quite common that the heady mixture of meeting a handsome stranger and the promise of new love takes hold of us.&nbsp;

However, arming yourself with appropriate knowledge allows you to identify when something might be off about a person or a relationship. Find a healthy balance between being curious and approachable and being suspicious and careful when meeting new people.&nbsp;

Step gradually into a relationship and carefully gauge your compatibility with the new person/s you&rsquo;re introducing into your life. Relational abuse can have lasting impact on one&rsquo;s life and it&rsquo;s critical to be aware of it.&nbsp;

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