Madeeha Syed

Psychologists at Meri Sehat have compiled all the red flags we often ignore in abusive relationships. Read more to understand them in depth.

Warning signs you’re in an abusive relationship

This article or video has been viewed by many visitors, and is popular.

Warning Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship

The Sa’as Bahu Relationship: Why There’s Friction And How To Overcome It

Overview

We all remember the early 2000s romantic comedy, Monster-in-Law. It was not only funny, tragic, and wholesome, but also quite exaggerated. But there might be some truth to this clich&eacute; after all.&nbsp;

In Pakistani society alone, we can knock on any door and find a scorned mother-in-law (MIL) who has a thousand problems with her daughter-in-law (DIL), imagined and real.&nbsp;

If you belong to a certain age group, you have heard your married friends wax poetic about how unfair and cruel their MILs are. There are a thousand television serials on local channels on this topic as well.&nbsp;

So, why does this happen and why is it so rampant? Shouldn&rsquo;t women be sticking together? Wouldn&rsquo;t you, as a MIL, want your son to be happy with his partner? Are we stuck with the curse of a clich&eacute;d daggers-drawn sa&rsquo;as-bahu relationship or can we work our way around it?&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

First let&rsquo;s look at some reasons why there is such an intense power struggle between the two:&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>Mothers who are particularly close to their sons, due to having established that dynamic early on or due to having had an unfulfilling marriage, start viewing their sons as surrogate husbands. This means that anytime someone from the outside comes and lays a claim on her son&rsquo;s affections, attention and time, there will be friction with that person. Now, imagine that person is married to your son. This leads to an underlying feeling of jealousy that is awkward to acknowledge let alone talk about. It instead comes out as unnecessary fights and nagging behavior by the MIL.&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>The son also becomes the person she reaches out to for all kinds of emotional support, so if this has been happening since the formative years, these men end up internalising the fact that their mother &ldquo;needs&rdquo; them and can&rsquo;t survive on her own. Observing her husband with this saviour complex is not easy for the DIL either and leads to a natural distaste in their relationship.&nbsp; 
	&nbsp;</li>
	<li><a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/how-to-manage-anxiety" target="_blank">Separation anxiety</a> is when a person&rsquo;s daily functioning is affected by the absence of the other and usually occurs due to unhealthy co-dependence. Unhealthy co-dependence between the MIL and the son leads to separation anxiety when the time comes to let the son go. Both of them will experience this anxiety to some extent and can lead to friction in the MIL-DIL relationship. The MIL subconsciously detests her DIL for causing this separation.&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>The DIL and MIL also tend to observe the son as their source of survival in the family or society at large and are competing for the same thing: the favour of one man. This is another reason why there might be some inherent dislike between the two.&nbsp; 
	&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Some MILs also tend to hate those DILs who have a better financial footing than their son. Since the chances of them leaving their sons are high as they aren&rsquo;t as dependent on their husband for survival. Whether the DIL plans to or not is not relevant here. This is then taken as a personal slight since it&rsquo;s in the MIL&rsquo;s vested interest that their sons continue to have a healthy ongoing partnership. It reflects on her upbringing as well as their son&rsquo;s moral character.&nbsp;&nbsp; 
	&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Some MILs continue to view their sons as perpetual children where they aren&rsquo;t allowed to grow and form their own opinions or have their own life. It&rsquo;s especially true for the desi society where men aren&rsquo;t allowed to grow past the role of extremely coddled sons. This also gives rise to a controlling parenting style where the mother gets to decide how the son behaves in society at large and with the DIL as well. This naturally makes the DIL despise the mother as the controlling behaviour can and will extend to her as well.&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>There are natural feelings of envy and jealousy even outside of the relationship these two have through their son and husband. The MIL can envy the youth, beauty and opportunities the DIL has while the DIL might be jealous of the power her MIL wields.&nbsp; 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

How to Navigate it Better

The curse of the MIL and DIL relationship might have a cure and it is entirely possible for the two to have a healthy relationship not bogged down by society’s expectations and pre-set rules. Leading with compassion and empathy can go a long way and has to come from both sides.&nbsp;Some of the things you can do to combat the natural friction are:&nbsp; <ul><li>Form an independent relationship with your MIL or DIL. See each other outside of the relationship you have via your son or husband, respectively. You are both women and can sympathise with the roles you have to play in society and using this as the starting point of your relationship can help you build a healthier bond.&nbsp; </li><li>Realize that your son’s partner is not there to take him away from you. The relationship your DIL has with your son is completely different from the relationship you have with him and neither of you can replace or even emulate the other. </li><li>Every person has different needs that need to be fulfilled by different people. Your spouse is not supposed to replace every other relationship in your life and that stands true for the MIL relationship as well. Your son will always need you in the role of his mother just as he will always need your DIL in the role of his wife. And vice versa.&nbsp; </li><li>Learn to set better boundaries with each other while still being polite. Know how much you should be interfering in the life of your DIL and where it needs to stop so she can be her own person. Similarly, know which topics to not breach and where to compromise and let the other person have their opinion. Recognising each other as independent beings capable of making good decisions is key to this. </li><li>Walk away from fights in order to not escalate any situation.&nbsp; </li></ul>

Bottom Line

When someone from the outside joins a family, they won’t fit into the system starting from day one. There will always be an adjustment period where clashes and little fights are bound to break out and cause friction.&nbsp; Mother-in-laws can empathise with their daughters-in-laws as they have been in a similar role before and know what works and doesn’t. The relationship between you two will not be perfect overnight and will require work and effort each day as all relationships do. It’s important to realise that the benefits you reap for this later on are greater than the initial discomfort you might feel.&nbsp;

Dr. Safia Mehmood

This article or video has been vetted and verified by Meri Sehat’s specialists. It contains citations and research from validated sources.

How To Heal After An Abusive Relationship: Reclaiming Your Life And Well-being

Healing after an <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/warning-signs-youre-in-an-abusive-relationship">abusive relationship</a> can be a challenging journey, but it&#39;s also a path towards reclaiming your life, self-worth, and emotional well-being. In this article, we&#39;ll discuss the crucial steps and strategies to support survivors of abuse in their recovery process. 
&nbsp;

crucial steps and strategies

<h5>1. Seek Professional Help</h5>

<ul>
	<li>Therapy And Counseling: Consider working with a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and abuse. Therapy can provide a safe space to process your experiences, understand the impact of abuse on your life, and develop coping strategies for healing. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

<h5>2. Build A Support Network</h5>

<ul>
	<li>Connect With Trusted Individuals: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who understand your journey and are willing to listen without judgment. Sharing your experiences and emotions with trusted individuals can be incredibly therapeutic. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

<h5>3. Self-Care And Self-Compassion</h5>

<ul>
	<li>Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Engage in activities that promote physical and emotional well-being, such as exercise, meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature. Nourish your body with healthy food, and ensure you get enough rest.</li>
	<li>Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Understand that healing takes time and that it&#39;s okay to have setbacks or difficult days. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a dear friend. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

<h5>4. Reconnect With Hobbies And Interests</h5>

<ul>
	<li>Rediscover Your Passions: Reconnecting with hobbies, interests, and activities you once enjoyed can help you regain a sense of self. Engaging in these activities can boost your self-esteem and provide a welcome distraction from the pain of the past. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

<h5>5. Set Boundaries And Prioritize Safety</h5>

<ul>
	<li>Establish Boundaries: Learning to set and enforce boundaries is crucial for rebuilding your sense of safety and self-worth. Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively with others, and prioritize your own needs and well-being. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

<h5>6. Reflect And Learn</h5>

<ul>
	<li>Understand Patterns And Red Flags: Take time to reflect on your past relationship and understand the dynamics that led to the abuse. Educate yourself about abusive behaviors and red flags to avoid repeating similar patterns in future relationships. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

<h5>7. Rebuild Self-Esteem And Self-Worth</h5>

<ul>
	<li>Positive Affirmations: Practice positive self-talk and affirmations. Remind yourself daily of your worth and capabilities. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you in recognizing your value. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

<h5>8. Legal And Safety Considerations</h5>

<ul>
	<li>Legal Protections: If necessary, explore legal options such as restraining orders or legal action against your abuser. Consult with legal professionals who specialize in domestic violence cases to understand your rights and options. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

Healing after an abusive relationship is a transformative journey towards self-empowerment and emotional well-being. Remember that you are not defined by your past, and you have the strength to overcome the effects of abuse. By seeking professional help, building a strong support network, practicing self-care and self-compassion, and taking steps to rebuild your self-esteem, you can embark on a path towards a brighter and more fulfilling future. You deserve love, respect, and a life filled with joy and contentment.

Staff Writer

Why Do Some People Fall In Love With Abusive Partners?

Falling in love with abusive partners is a perplexing and distressing phenomenon. It&#39;s essential to explore the underlying reasons why some individuals become entangled in abusive relationships. In this article, we delve into the psychological, emotional, and societal factors that shed light on this complex issue. 
&nbsp;

sychological, emotional, and societal factors

<h5>1. Low Self-Esteem And Insecurity</h5>

Seeking Validation: One reason some people fall in love with abusive partners is low self-esteem. Individuals with low self-worth may seek validation and acceptance from others, even if it comes at the cost of enduring abuse. Abusers can exploit this vulnerability by initially showering their victims with affection and attention, creating a powerful emotional bond. 
&nbsp;

<h5>2. Trauma And Familiarity</h5>

Recreating Familiar Patterns: For those who have experienced trauma or grew up in abusive environments, abusive relationships can feel strangely familiar. This familiarity can be misconstrued as love because it replicates early experiences, reinforcing the cycle of abuse. 
&nbsp;

<h5>3. Manipulation And Gaslighting</h5>

Confusion and <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/emotional-manipulation-a-guide-to-recognizing-signs-and-empowering-yourself">Manipulation</a>: Abusive partners often use manipulation and gaslighting tactics to confuse and control their victims. This can lead the victim to question their own judgment and reality, making it difficult for them to recognize the abuse and leaving them feeling trapped in the relationship. 
&nbsp;

<h5>4. Isolation And Dependency</h5>

Isolation Tactics: Abusers frequently isolate their victims from friends and family, making it harder for them to seek support or leave the relationship. This isolation can create a sense of dependency on the abusive partner for emotional and financial needs. 
&nbsp;

<h5>5. Belief In Change And Hope</h5>

False Promises: Abusive partners may promise change and seek forgiveness after abusive incidents. Victims, driven by love and hope for a better future, may believe these promises and stay in the relationship, hoping the abuser will reform. 
&nbsp;

<h5>6. Societal Factors And Stigma</h5>

Shame and Stigma: Society&#39;s tendency to stigmatize victims of abuse can lead individuals to feel ashamed and reluctant to seek help or disclose their abusive relationships. The fear of judgment and social rejection can keep them trapped in silence. 
&nbsp;

<h5>7. Lack Of Awareness And Education</h5>

Unrecognized Red Flags: Some individuals may not recognize the early signs of abuse or may not be aware of healthy relationship dynamics. Comprehensive education on recognizing and preventing abusive relationships is essential to address this issue. 
&nbsp;

Understanding why some people fall in love with abusive partners is a crucial step in breaking the cycle of abuse. It&#39;s important to recognize that victims of abuse often face complex psychological and emotional challenges that require support, empathy, and professional intervention. By raising awareness, providing education, and offering resources for those in abusive relationships, we can work towards preventing and addressing this troubling phenomenon while fostering a culture of healthy, respectful relationships.

The Evolution Of Abuse In Intimate Relationships

Almost all relationships are prone to interpersonal <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/unseen-scars-navigating-the-depths-of-emotional-abuses-impact">abuse</a> but there are certain factors that lead to abuse being a more prevalent phenomenon in intimate relationships.

Intimate relationships are relationships between two non-biologically related people who are either cohabiting, dating or co-parenting. The abuse found in these relationships can be of several different types and it is frequently observed that two or more types of abuse will coexist. 
&nbsp;

Abuse In Intimate Relationships

Emotional and verbal abuse often accompany either physical or sexual abuse. Similarly, physical abuse itself inflicts emotional trauma on the victim and it&rsquo;s hard to quantify this as well.

Many times, the victim doesn&rsquo;t realise that they are in an abusive relationship if there&rsquo;s only emotional abuse involved. They also might be reluctant to accept themselves as a victim. This leads to the abuse developing and getting worse overtime in many cases since it&rsquo;s not being reported and no action is taken against it. But how does it get to that point in the first place? 
&nbsp;

Scientists have tried to understand this phenomenon for a long time in order to find concrete solutions but it remains elusive. There are many explanations behind relational abuse such as an evolutionary perspective where males will exert dominance to ensure the survival of their genetic lineage over other males competing for their mate&rsquo;s attentions. Similarly, the sociological point of view says that children who grew up witnessing violence being carried out against their mother will continue the cycles with their partners. However, these explanations don&rsquo;t account for the outliers, and therefore, the sociological explanation might not always apply.

Another frequently observed phenomenon in the evolution of abuse is that it starts with emotional abuse and progressively gets worse as the victim tries to take a stand for themselves. 
&nbsp;

Emotional abuse involves one person controlling another and undermining their sense of personal worth and agency. It can involve criticism that&rsquo;s out of proportion in any situation, excessively harsh or personal words, sweeping generalisations including &ldquo;you always do this&rdquo; or &ldquo;you never do anything right&rdquo;, dismissive behaviour, silent treatments as well as tone, body language or verbal cues indicating contempt.

It is more insidious because it&rsquo;s usually countered with better behaviour by the offender later on.

These gaslights the victim and makes them doubt the perception of their own mistreatment. It&rsquo;s often accompanied by the abuser trying to socially isolate their victim and controlling the perception of the relationship in society as well. 
&nbsp;

This kind of abuse is more pervasive in relationships where there are power dynamics in play. One person who is in control of finances, major life decisions including parenting etc, can start exerting dominance over their partner. Any resistance by the victim can be met with worsening abuse and can lead to physical and sexual abuse later on in the course.

The beginning is usually rooted in the abuser feeling somehow powerless in some domain of their life such as finances or at work. Stress levels build up eventually leading to an outburst over seemingly inconsequential things. This is usually followed by an apology and the abuser making promises that &ldquo;this will never happen again&rdquo; or rationalisations such as &ldquo;if you hadn&rsquo;t done this, I wouldn&rsquo;t have done that.&rdquo; 
&nbsp;

What this does is, it puts all of the blame on the victim and causes them to start walking on eggshells around their abuser in order to minimise incidence of the abuse.

Similarly, the constant hot and cold behaviour of the abuser can often confuse the victim and make them stick around for the promise of a better future.

All this can lead to a normalisation of abuse and the victim tries to continue having a &lsquo;normal&rsquo; relationship with their abuser.

However, the thing about abuse is that it inevitably happens again if the root cause isn&rsquo;t treated. 
&nbsp;

Conclusion

The first step towards stopping the abuse is acknowledging that it&rsquo;s happening. After that it&rsquo;s essential to identify what kind of abuse is going on in the relationship. 
&nbsp;

Emotional abuse can be dealt with by a couple&rsquo;s therapist and you can be given tools to help you communicate better with your partner. If it&rsquo;s physical or sexual abuse then it might be time to leave the relationship and get yourself to safety. 
&nbsp;

If you&rsquo;re someone who has been rude or dismissive to your partner one too many times you can benefit from therapy as well. Identify what causes an emotional outburst? Is it stress and you&rsquo;re coping with taking it out on your loved ones? 
&nbsp;

Chances are you&rsquo;re not adequately equipped to deal with your stresses and discomforts, causing you to opt for some unhealthy coping mechanism as your brain switches to survival mode. This usually comes out in the form of blame and anger for the partner. 
&nbsp;

This can be replaced with healthier coping mechanisms where you learn how to cope better with distress. Know that, during an outburst, it might not be very easy to recall the coping strategies you learned while you were calm. For this, we undergo practice sessions where the offending party is made to relive the exact emotional state they were in during an explosive episode. Then they can imagine behaving in an optimal manner and employing healthier coping strategies of connecting with their partner and appreciating their support during a tough time. Practice is what makes one perfect at this and remember: you&rsquo;re not hopelessly stuck with your bad habits. 
&nbsp;
<quillbot-extension-portal></quillbot-extension-portal>

How To Rekindle Love In Long-Term Relationships

We have all fallen in love madly, irrevocably and ardently. We have also seen these same overwhelming and all-consuming feelings take a back seat once the honeymoon phase is over. With time every long-term relationship stands the risk of turning stale. The feelings that ensured that your partner was all you thought about in the beginning aren&rsquo;t as intense anymore. It either turns into warm and cozy affection or you might be one of those people who have completely gone cold over your partner. Human beings have a strong predisposition to get bored of things, and even people, but this is just an inevitable consequence of familiarity. You have just had so much of your lover that you now take them for granted.&nbsp;

If you think you might have ended up at this very boring stage in your relationship then here are some ways you can rekindle the flame: 
&nbsp;

ways to  rekindle love

<h5>Be Mindful</h5>

Listen to your partner attentively, know what they like or don&rsquo;t like, get them flowers occasionally, drop in a flirty text in the middle of the day and make sure you are mindful of their needs. This can also include helping them with household chores or helping them run errands. These small acts of kindness go a long way in keeping love afloat.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

<h5>Go On Dates</h5>

It might seem like a daunting task to schedule dates amongst work and kids and that book you had to finish but it&rsquo;s definitely worth it to bring back those initial jitters of love. You can dress up and separately reach the restaurant where you first met and be courted by your partner and forget for a moment that they are the ones you get to go home and take care of bills with the next day. 
&nbsp;

<h5>Cultivate Healthy Space</h5>

Quite paradoxically, one very important aspect of a healthy long-term relationship is independence. Learning to take care of your emotional needs on your own, recognising your triggers and seeking help for them if and when needed can ensure these don&rsquo;t bug your partner or you don&rsquo;t end up projecting your own pain and preoccupations on them. We have all seen or heard of people struggling at work come home and take that anger out on their partner. This is exactly what we don&rsquo;t want to do to someone we claim to love so much. Have your own hobbies and interests and let your partner have the same. Coming back to your partner after the tiniest of breaks can be extremely refreshing.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

<h5>Learn How To Argue</h5>

Every relationship is at risk of moments of frustration. When our sentiments are hurt our first instinct is to argue. It&rsquo;s better to communicate your hurt instead of arguing. Learn the art of lovingly repairing the relationship, the art of forgiveness and understanding and seeing your partner&rsquo;s point of view. Understand that your partner isn&rsquo;t necessarily bad or evil but might also be reaching out to you from a place of hurt. Take little squabbles as a sign that your partner still cares enough about you to bug you over little things instead of being completely checked out. Playfully pointing this out can also make you both realise what&rsquo;s at stake in the moment.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

<h5>Honest Conversations</h5>

Ask them what they would like to be appreciated for more often and what you might have been taking for granted so far. Consequently, you can let them know the same things about you. In the beginning we tend to give each other compliments about the tiniest of things, but very often, this doesn&rsquo;t continue or happen as frequently in long-term relationships. Brining this one little practice back can help reignite that lost spark and make your partner feel more appreciated.&nbsp;

Similarly, it could help to ask them what they like to be forgiven for and letting them know the same. We all carry guilt about some of our behaviours and can start resenting our partners for making us feel that way about hurting them. Brining these wounds to light and practicing <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/what-does-true-forgiveness-look-like-and-how-to-move-on-22347">mutual forgiveness</a> can help ward of these negative feelings.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

<h5>Try New Things</h5>

According to research, partners who share more new experiences together experienced more intimacy than those who only shared familiar experiences. The anxiety of that new task ahead of you, holding each other&rsquo;s hand through it and successfully executing it can bring you both closer and build deeper levels of trust as well.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

<h5>Document Your Love</h5>

When you try that new thing together or go to that one very interesting date, make sure to take pictures! We all make fun of people who take selfies but these are exactly the kind of things you can look back on and reminisce about the good times. It can also help remind you of all the good and happy feelings your partner brought out in you when you are particularly annoyed at them.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

<h5>Touch Your Partner</h5>

This is not necessarily sexual, although that definitely helps, but small daily acts of physical intimacy and affection can help revitalise a relationship. 
&nbsp;

Contrary to popular belief, love is an action and not just a fleeting intense feeling that can make everything work out on its own. Every long-term relationship will require routine maintenance this is usually worth it. To find that initial spark with someone you have gotten so familiar and comfortable with can be a really interesting feeling and many older couples have reported that they found it to be a very pleasant surprise.

This article or video has been recorded by a subject / domain specialists with a proven track record of excellence in their area. 

How Your Emotional Relationship With Your Partner Affects Your Sex Life

Emotional <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/how-sexual-intimacy-with-their-partner-keeps-women-young">intimacy </a>isn&rsquo;t just crucial for a long lasting and fulfilling relationship, it affects your sex life as well &mdash; does that perk up your ears yet?

Well, here&rsquo;s more: Physical intimacy can directly impact how close you feel to your partner. But how can that be true? Aren&rsquo;t sex and emotion two different things? Science begs to differ. When it comes to how our brain processes either of these things, it&rsquo;s been observed that sex and emotion affect the same pathways in the brain. 
&nbsp;

Emotional Relationship And  Sex Life

According to a neuroscience blog at Tufts University, sexual arousal doesn&rsquo;t happen on its own. It&rsquo;s not an isolated process and is highly impacted by our overall emotional state. Emotions, which are an evolutionary process that act as a sort of compass to tell us what our needs are in any given situation, guide us to make or unmake certain decisions.

Have you ever been in the mood for love which was ruined by unnecessary nagging by your partner? Or perhaps you were the one who said something rude and untoward and ruined a perfectly good date night? This is because we see that a deluge of negative emotions usually leads to the individual being drawn away from their partner whereas positive emotions have exactly the opposite impact.

With marriage or long-term partnerships, it seems that sex often turns into an obligation or another task to mark off your list. On top of bills, groceries and kids, who has time to actually get sexually intimate? Especially when you spend half your time arguing over these things.

We look for ways to &ldquo;spice&rdquo; up our sex lives, there are ebbs and flows to how strongly we connect with our partners depending on our moods and petty fights can lead to distance in the bedroom. But before we look for out of the box methods to achieve closeness with our <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/why-do-some-people-prefer-porn-over-sex-with-their-partners">partners</a>, here&rsquo;s a simple solution: emotional intimacy. 
&nbsp;

When you and your partner are emotionally attuned to each other&rsquo;s needs, this can ultimately lead to a better sex life. Emotional intimacy means being able to be transparent and open with one another, safely, which means letting each other know about feelings of appreciation, insecurities, dreams, failures, fears and embarrassments.

It also means taking care of each other&rsquo;s emotional well-being. 
&nbsp;

This requires one to be extremely vulnerable and forthcoming with their partner. We all know that good sex involves the ability to openly communicate with one another. One doesn&rsquo;t need to work too hard to imagine how communication in the bedroom can be improved if both partners have a healthy emotional relationship.

&ldquo;When we feel physically and emotionally safe, we may be freer to try new things, more open to new experiences, and more willing to share some vulnerable parts of ourselves. This can include exploring pleasure, gender identity, and sexual orientation,&rdquo; says Dr Sara C. Flower, VP of Education &amp; Training at Planned Parenthood, United States. 
&nbsp;

Ultimately, your sexual satisfaction hinges on your emotional satisfaction. It&rsquo;s all in your hands so to speak. At the end of the day, active listening, helping with house chores, regular date nights, words of affirmation and love, regularly checking in with each other, being considerate of each other&rsquo;s needs and just a hint of forgiveness and compassion can help you get laid more often.

The Studies Are In - Men Are More Selfishly Dishonest Than Women

The psychological differences between the <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/shifting-paradigms-the-impact-of-dating-apps-on-traditional-gender-roles">two genders</a> have been a hot-topic of discussion for years and researchers have been investigating various aspects of men and women&#39;s behavior and personality traits. One area that has been much explored is the difference in honesty levels between men and women. Not that we needed an official announcement, the latest studies are in and it turns out that men are more selfishly dishonest than women. 
&nbsp;

Psychological Difference between men and women

Several studies have been conducted to explore the difference in honesty levels between men and women. One study published in the Journal of Economic Psychology found that men are more likely to lie about their earnings in a competitive environment. The study found that men exaggerated their earnings by an average of 33%, while women exaggerated their earnings by only 20%. The researchers concluded that men&#39;s dishonesty was driven by their desire to win and outperform others and they were willing to take drastic steps in order to achieve their objectives.

Another study published in the journal PLOS One found that men are more likely to cheat in a game that measures their honesty levels. The game involved flipping a coin and reporting the result to receive a cash prize. Men were more likely to cheat by reporting a result that favored them, even when they knew that they would not be caught. Women, on the other hand, were less likely to cheat and reported the actual result more often. 
&nbsp;

Similarly, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology also published a study that found that men are more likely to engage in deception to obtain sex. The study involved asking participants to imagine a scenario where they were interested in having sex with a person they had just met. We learned that men were more likely to lie about their interests and intentions to increase their chances of having sex. Women, on the other hand, were more likely to be forthcoming about their interests and intentions.&nbsp;

So, what causes men to be more selfishly dishonest than women? Evolutionary psychologists suggest that this behavior may have evolved as a result of competition between men for access to resources and mates. According to this theory, men have evolved to be more competitive and aggressive to ensure their survival and reproductive success. This competitive nature may have led to a higher propensity for dishonesty, as men may feel that they need to lie or cheat to win. A common theme one can observe here is that the desire to achieve/obtain something, whether it be prestige or something as trivial as sex, is more important to men than the desire to be an honest and upstanding citizen&nbsp;

&nbsp;
<quillbot-extension-portal></quillbot-extension-portal>

It is important to note that not all men are selfishly dishonest, and not all women are completely honest. These studies suggest that there may be a small but significant difference in honesty levels between the genders. It is also important to consider that cultural and social factors may influence honesty levels. At the end of the day, every individual is unique and we must take these studies as a caution rather than a warning.&nbsp;

&nbsp;

Love In A Long-Term Relationship

Everyone in a long-term relationship will tell you one thing, consistently across the board: It is hard work. Those of us who are young and uninitiated often wonder, why would you have to work in a relationship?&nbsp;

It turns out that relationships are not as linear as pop culture tells you they are. There are ups and downs, there are some very high highs and some very low lows and, in between, there is happiness, love, <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/how-sexual-intimacy-with-their-partner-keeps-women-young">intimacy </a>and all that wonderful stuff.&nbsp;

All of this has been neatly divided into five stages that all long-term relationships go through. This isn&rsquo;t a linear process but rather what happens as a cycle that you both will go through together. They are also not as clear cut or happen in neat succession, however, it&rsquo;s helpful to be deliberately reductive when trying to understand the anatomy of a long-term relationship.&nbsp;

Let&rsquo;s see what these stages are:&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

anatomy of a long-term relationship

This can last anywhere from two weeks to two years and is usually where you feel the initial attraction, the heady mixture of falling and soaring in love and find your partner to have absolutely no flaws. Both partners view each other through rose-coloured glasses and focus primarily on their similarities and shared interests. Red flags are ignored, incompatibilities are brushed under the carpet.&nbsp;

Our bodies also help the situation along with feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine. Many people choose to end the relationship once the honeymoon phase is over and look for the next person who can provide them this very specific cocktail. They never get to experience the reward of a comfortable long-term relationship.

It&rsquo;s important to not jump into any big, serious commitments such as marriage or having a kid during this phase since both parties are currently on their best behaviour. It&rsquo;s also essential to have a support system that can identify whether you are doing the right thing and point out any red flags. Many a times you will not listen to this but just knowing these things can go a long way. This is often the shortest stage too.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

This is marked primarily by doubt and denial since this is where the reality of the person you are with starts dawning on you. It might happen slowly or all at once. All that stuff you brushed under the carpet now starts bugging you, you start identifying things about them that you can&rsquo;t stand, the incompatibilities between you two start glaring at you.&nbsp;

This can trigger a fight-or-flight response. But remember that flight isn&rsquo;t always a cowardly stance and sometimes fighting for the wrong relationship can mean letting something good pass you by. Be honest with yourself about your intention behind fighting for this relationship, is it a need to be right about your earlier assessment of them? Is it denial? Is it a fear that no one else will ever put up with you again?&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

Either way, we end up having the face the fact that this person isn&rsquo;t the perfect soulmate we were imaging them to be and one has to come to terms with the real person in front of them. All this finally puts a stop to the honeymoon phase and wakes you up from the dream. But this is also where the real relationship begins. Once you are done grieving the loss of your personal idea of who your partner was, you can work with them to create an environment where both of you come together to celebrate your similarities and work through your differences.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

Now, if those wake-up calls are about small things that can be remedied, such as your partner not putting the laundry in the right place, then that can be worked through. Fundamental differences in principles and values however are very hard to compromise on and can later lead to resentment. This is when the power struggle starts and both partners are ready to fight to death on their personal stance.

It&rsquo;s also important to know that arguments and a little bit of healthy friction is a normal part of every relationship and it&rsquo;s important to communicate with your partner to work through these rough bits together. Openness, honesty and mutual respect can take you a long way in any relationship.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

This is when the distance comes in and many marriages in the previous generation were stuck at this stage. Not talking to each other or being honest about your needs, your discomforts with your partner, holding resentment and a refusal to actually address any issue is what marks this stage. Both partners tend to emotionally and physically withdraw from each other and seriously start evaluating whether it&rsquo;s worth it to continue the relationship or not. There might be a numbness on both ends since the initial intense feelings of disappointment and anger fizzle away.&nbsp;&nbsp;

So, how do we make it through this? Choosing to stick by your initial commitment, honour the promises you made and fighting for each other while providing enough space to heal the relationship works wonders.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

This is signified by a complete acceptance that no relationship is perfect and you both respect each other enough to work through any and every bit of trouble together.&nbsp;And this time your love is based on reality, so it is more likely to stand the test of time!&nbsp;

Couples who make it through all previous stages know that they are well-equipped to deal with their issues together with open and honest communication, they are more at peace with their differences and maintain healthy space and independence.&nbsp;

The commitment to the relationship is recognised at both ends and there is no more attacking or defending when things go awry. This is where people also claim to have fallen in love all over again with their partner.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

There&rsquo;s a very real chance to get stuck at one of these stages in your relationship forever and being unable to find a way out of it. Educating yourself on these stages helps you not only recognise but work through these stages effectively. It will not be a walk in the park but it will also not be the worst thing you will ever do. You may find yourself back in some stages after having worked through them previously and that is also completely normal and expected. As long as you are your partner are committed to working it out, you can manage (almost) anything together.&nbsp;

How Shame Prevents Men And Women From Experiencing Pleasure With Their Partners

Sex and morality have long been linked together whether it comes to men or women. We are encouraged to find companionship yet this major aspect of being partnered up is kept hushed at best. 
&nbsp;

Women are especially encouraged to hide that aspect of their love life. All of this has led to a deep sense of shame associated with the topic of sex. Women find it improper to be forthcoming about their active sex drives, their needs in the bedroom and wanting to mix things up. They feel a deep sense of shame when talking about it even with their husbands. 

Men, on the other hand avoid bringing up certain subjects as well as they feel it&rsquo;s inappropriate.

Walk Of Shame

The way shame manifests in men vs women is also different. Women choose to become isolated and aloof and men choose to become irritable and prone to outbursts. Neither of these things are conducive for a healthy connection let alone <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/how-sexual-intimacy-with-their-partner-keeps-women-young">physical intimacy</a>. 

Even if you have grown out of the ideas of propriety that were drilled into you since childhood, it&rsquo;s hard to let go of the visceral shame and discomfort that surrounds the idea of sex.

Dr Sara C. Flower, VP of Education &amp; Training at Planned Parenthood (United States) rightly observes that &ldquo;Sexual stigma can show up in many places in our lives &mdash; like feeling shame about having a period, our body shape or size, being diagnosed with a sexually-transmitted infection (STI), or our gender identity or sexual orientation. It can also stem from many sources, including our culture or religious beliefs, our upbringing, our past experiences, and even the stories we&rsquo;ve heard from others.&rdquo; 
&nbsp;

And then there are preset ideas of how a human body should look and feel like. Popular culture and media demand that we hide every flaw, tuck away every extra layer of fat, pluck out every last strand of hair and look a certain way in order to be considered desirable. 

The worst part about this is that your fellow human beings uphold these ideas and rigidly stick by the practice of shaming each other for perceived &lsquo;deficiencies&rsquo;. This negatively impacts the mental health of individuals that are put through this process of scrutiny. Worsening mental health means a sharp decline in sexual activity as well as demonstrated by a recent study. 
&nbsp;

Researchers have found that over the last 18 years, fewer adults have been partaking in sexual activity. The researchers cited several hypotheses, including the overall increase of <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/eight-lifestyle-interventions-for-major-depression">depression </a>and anxiety as potential links to this drop.

Helen B. Lewis, an American psychiatrist and psychoanalyst whose work pioneered the study of shame, argued that shame represents an entire family of emotions and doesn&rsquo;t occur as an isolated phenomenon. This can include humiliation, embarrassment, feelings of low self-esteem, belittlement, and stigmatisation. She believed that shame is often experienced as a critical inner voice that quite convincingly tells us that we are inadequate, inferior or worthless. 
&nbsp;

Few Suggestions

So how do we ensure that these feelings of shame are kept out of the bedroom? Here are a few things Bren&eacute; Brown, the American author who dedicated much of her career to studying shame has a few suggestions:

<ul>
	<li>Journal Your Thoughts: This helps one process and connect their feelings to a larger narrative. Getting all your thoughts on paper can help you trace it back to the source and finally deal with it. 
	&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Get To Know Yourself: Yes, masturbate and get comfortable with your own body. Discover what you like and how you like it and then let your partner know about it. 
	&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Have Open Conversations With Your Partner: Open and transparent discussion about your needs has been shown to translate to a better bedroom experience. We have observed that partners who report higher levels of emotional intimacy usually have a much more happening sex life. 
	&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Build A&nbsp;Circle Of Empowerment: Surround yourself with those who accept you for who you are no matter your body shape or size or preferences. Although this may seem irrelevant but a fully accepting and safe environment can help you deal with shame quite effectively. 
	&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Talk To A&nbsp;Professional: Sometimes sexual shame and guilt can stem from deep-rooted issues and a professional&rsquo;s neutral outlook is the only thing that can help one manage it. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

Shame is an insidious phenomenon and it slowly takes over your entire life until you can&rsquo;t even enjoy your alone time with your partner. The way we try to deal with it is mostly through denial and brushing it off as if that can make it magically disappear, but that is never the case. However, if you do choose to undertake the behemoth task of eradicating shame from your life you can achieve higher levels of intimacy with your partner and improve your overall happiness.

Tips For Staying Connected With Loved Ones And Maintaining Social Relationships In Retirement

Retirement can be an exciting and fulfilling time, offering a chance to enjoy life, pursue hobbies and interests, and spend time with loved ones. However, as we age, it can be challenging to maintain social <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/warning-signs-youre-in-an-abusive-relationship">relationships </a>and stay connected with friends and family members. In this article, we&#39;ll explore some tips for staying connected with loved ones and maintaining social relationships in retirement, while also respecting other people&#39;s time and boundaries. 
&nbsp;

Stay Connected

<ul>
	<li>Embrace Technology</li>
</ul>

Technology can be an excellent tool for staying connected with loved ones, even if they live far away. Video chat platforms like Zoom, Skype, or FaceTime can allow you to see and talk to loved ones face-to-face, while social media platforms like Facebook can keep you up-to-date on their lives. You can also send emails, text messages, or even handwritten notes to show that you&#39;re thinking of them.

However, it&#39;s important to remember that not everyone may be comfortable with technology, or may not have access to it. In those cases, it&#39;s important to find alternative ways to stay in touch. 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>Plan Regular Get-togethers</li>
</ul>

Regular get-togethers with loved ones can be a great way to stay connected and maintain relationships. You might plan regular dinners, game nights, movie nights, or other social events to get together and catch up. If loved ones live far away, consider planning a vacation or trip to visit them or vice versa.

However, it&#39;s important to remember that everyone has busy lives, and it may not always be possible to schedule regular get-togethers. Be understanding and respectful of others&#39; schedules and availability. 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>Volunteer Together</li>
</ul>

Volunteering together can be a great way to stay connected while also giving back to the community. You might consider volunteering at a local charity, school, or hospital together. This can provide a shared experience and create new memories, while also contributing to a worthwhile cause. 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>Respect Boundaries</li>
</ul>

While it&#39;s important to stay connected with loved ones, it&#39;s also important to respect their boundaries and personal time. Don&#39;t be clingy or overbearing, and be mindful of their schedules and availability. If someone doesn&#39;t respond to a call or message right away, don&#39;t take it personally. They may be busy or dealing with something else.

It&#39;s also important to respect other people&#39;s boundaries around physical contact. As we age, we may become more vulnerable to illness, so it&#39;s important to be mindful of others&#39; health and comfort levels. 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>Join Clubs And Organizations</li>
</ul>

Joining clubs and organizations can be a great way to meet new people and stay connected with others who share your interests. Consider joining a book club, a gardening club, or a social group in your area. This can provide a sense of community and belonging, while also giving you opportunities to make new friends. 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>Stay Active</li>
</ul>

Staying active and healthy can also be a great way to stay connected with loved ones. Consider joining a fitness class, taking up a new sport, or going for regular walks or hikes with friends and family members. This can provide opportunities to socialize while also maintaining good physical health. 
&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>Be Open To New Experiences</li>
</ul>

Finally, be open to new experiences and opportunities. As we age, it can be easy to fall into routines and habits, but trying new things can be a great way to stay engaged and connected with others. Consider trying a new hobby, taking a class, or traveling to a new place. This can provide new opportunities for socialization and growth. 
&nbsp;

In conclusion, staying connected with loved ones and maintaining social relationships in retirement can be challenging, but it&#39;s also incredibly important for overall well-being and happiness. Embrace technology, plan regular get-togethers, volunteer together, respect boundaries, join clubs and organizations, stay active.

Umna Salah

Humans have an inherent need to connect with each other and form strong relationships based on mental, emotional and physical bonding. This is also important for a person&rsquo;s overall wellbeing and survival in society. Sometimes, however, these relationships are the very thing that can be detrimental to our peace and happiness. In such cases we label it as an <a href="https://merisehat.pk/article/shame-the-most-toxic-emotion">abusive or a toxic relationship</a>.&nbsp;

Anyone of us can end up in these harmful dynamics without realizing it. No one ever actively chooses to step into an abusive relationship. What usually happens is that they will start off as incredible adventures and turn sour our time. It&rsquo;s not easy to gauge whether a relationship might become toxic or abusive over time but there are always some warning signs you can look out for. It&rsquo;s also important to acknowledge that an abusive relationship isn&rsquo;t always a romantic relationship. Your relationships with a friend, a family member or even your boss and coworkers might also be prone to some toxicity.&nbsp; 
&nbsp;

Four basic principles

Abusive relationships operate on the four basic principles of verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation and humiliation. There is an insidious erosion of your boundaries and self-respect.

Warning Signs

So here are some signs to help you identify why a certain relationship is making you feel sick and when you might need to step back.

<ul>
	<li>It&rsquo;s All Happening So Fast: We have all been raised on stories where a girl meets a guy and its love at first sight. They always go on to live happily ever after within a span of five days or even less. This, however, doesn&rsquo;t really work out in real life. If someone is moving really fast, making all kinds of magnificent claims, wants to spend time with you seven days a week and makes you feel like you have known each other forever, chances are that they aren&rsquo;t being honest about their intentions.&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

These excessive displays of affection too early on in a relationship are called &lsquo;love bombing&rsquo;. It is exactly what it sounds like. Being bombarded with too much love soon makes one feel as if they&rsquo;re being swept off their feet. This eventually leads to the individual not making any of their decisions with a clear head.&nbsp;

<ul>
	<li>They Simply Know Better: This is one of the most common way abusers start controlling you. They will lead with statements such as &ldquo;this doesn&rsquo;t really suit who you are as a person&rdquo; which entails that they know who you are better than you do. This is how control and manipulation are slowly introduced into the relationship and you lose sight of who you were before you stepped into the dynamic.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Were &lsquo;Just&rsquo; Joking: Your relationship might be abusive if your partner subtly puts you down, especially in front of others and then plays it off as a joke. This is a humiliation tactic and will lead to a diminishing self-esteem. This is usually done to ensure the partner never leaves or realises that they deserve better.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Hypersensitivity: Interestingly enough, even though your partner gets to joke around and make you feel bad about yourself, you can&rsquo;t do that to them. Even the tiniest of snubs can lead to an over-reaction and most often than not it is based on perceived slights rather than anything rooted in reality. Abusive partners are extremely sensitive about how their partner perceives them, behaves around them and are prone to jealousy.</li>
	<li>Jealousy: If your partner gets jealous any time your attention and efforts are engaged elsewhere then that is a huge red flag. Interestingly enough it doesn&rsquo;t even have to be another potential partner, it can be anything from a family member to a pet and sometimes even kids.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Can&rsquo;t Take No For An Answer: Abusive partners don&rsquo;t allow you to change your mind and will hold it against you when a boundary is drawn.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Inconsistency: Now, even though you aren&rsquo;t allowed to change your mind, they get to have the complete freedom to do so. It&rsquo;s very often noted in abusive relationships that there are cycles of hot and cold. One moment they can&rsquo;t live without you and the next moment they can&rsquo;t live with you. The hot and cold dynamic also keeps the abused partner coming for more in hopes that this time it will be better.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Emotional Isolation: Abusers emotionally isolate their victims in order to exercise complete control over them. This way the person being abused has no one to talk to and get an outside opinion on the relationship. This allows the abuse to continue indefinitely or until the victim realizes what&rsquo;s been happening.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Aren&rsquo;t Nice To Others: This is usually one of the earliest warning signs. If your partner treats you well but can&rsquo;t be nice to the waiting staff or is backbiting their friends or coworkers, then chances are that soon enough you will also suffer the same fate. There initial respect and accommodation will fade away once they are secure in the knowledge that they have you.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Are Perpetual Victims: Have you ever met someone who claims that all of their past relationships failed because the other person was at fault? In their life, nothing ever works out despite their best efforts. This is a very clear warning sign that once things go even slightly wrong in your relationship, you will have to accept the blame. Abusers don&rsquo;t accept blame or portray even the slightest accountability. Everything is someone else&rsquo;s fault.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Don&rsquo;t Communicate Openly: A very commonly noted theme in abusive relationships is that the abusive partner expects the other to read their mind and anticipate their needs. There is a lack of open and honest communication and the partner is punished for not being intuitive.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Gas Lighting: This is perhaps what wreaks the most havoc on an individual&rsquo;s self-esteem. The abusive partner tells you that everything you think or know is wrong and you are made to question your reality. If it goes on for long enough, you might start questioning everything your own brain tells you and rely solely on your partner to help you navigate through life.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>They Act Differently In Social Settings: Does your partner treat you differently when you are around others? Chances are that you are stuck in an abusive relationship. This can go two ways; they are extremely nice to you in front of others while abusive behind closed doors or vice versa.&nbsp;</li>
	<li>Financial Control: This is common in relationships where the abusive partner is the sole earner. However, many people have also been scammed out of their money by their significant others. The partner controls all your expenses and you are usually not given enough to be financially secure. 
	&nbsp;</li>
</ul>

In the end it&rsquo;s important to note that that if you have suffered from an abusive relationship or are currently in one, it&rsquo;s not your fault. One can&rsquo;t always see it coming and it&rsquo;s quite common that the heady mixture of meeting a handsome stranger and the promise of new love takes hold of us.&nbsp;

However, arming yourself with appropriate knowledge allows you to identify when something might be off about a person or a relationship. Find a healthy balance between being curious and approachable and being suspicious and careful when meeting new people.&nbsp;

Step gradually into a relationship and carefully gauge your compatibility with the new person/s you&rsquo;re introducing into your life. Relational abuse can have lasting impact on one&rsquo;s life and it&rsquo;s critical to be aware of it.&nbsp;